A Little Stronger Than I Thought

I felt so proud of myself for feeling good yesterday but a few hours later I got a call from my husband while I was eating dinner so I didn’t hear the ring. I called him just a couple of minutes later and he said he couldn’t talk, he was heading downtown to meet his friend.

I said, “Ok.”and “Bye.” and then I sat and stared at the TV.

It hurt because I was picturing him doing all sorts of things that a married man (who wants to stay married) would not do. It doesn’t make me feel good, either, to know that his friend, who is in his early 50s, dates women in their mid twenties. Usually university students.

I have really been trying to remove my ego from the goings on between us. I figure we’re married, not just getting to know one another, and I didn’t need to play any games with him. But now I think what he’s doing is bordering on cruel and I do not want to be treated this way.

From today on I’ll try to limit what I say about my husband on here. It matters because it affects how I feel, but I can keep it shorter. After he called last night I REALLY felt like eating everything in the house. I did have a small handful of mixed nuts and felt awful about it afterward.

I think I’ll try to keep a food diary starting today at the bottom of each post. I am not sure if I can keep it up or remember to include everything, but I’d like to see if it helps me eat better.

It’s Saturday so the mood at the pool is slightly different. The lap pool has several lanes taken up by the high school swim team but they are generally done by 11ish.

I got into the pool a few minutes before ten and had a hard time warming up. I also felt like my neck was stiff andI spent a lot of time trying to loosen it. After about 40 minutes in the deep pool I went to the lap pool and spent about 20 minutes doing an assortment of laps. Then I spent a further 20 minutes back in the deep pool.

I had a good workout, I know that, but I also sort of felt like I never really warmed up. I also know that this is day six of swimming hard and my body is probably eager for a day of rest.

I was thinking some more about the whole weighing, scale, weight thing and I recalled a no-nonsense doctor who was being asked how to figure out what you really weigh and he didn’t have time for the b.s. of it all and said, “You weigh what you weigh.” And I get that now. The goal for me is the downward trend, and I weigh what I weigh. No need to over think it.

Today’s menu:

Coffee, 2 sugars, and cream
One egg scrambled with three large mushrooms.
Half a piece of sourdough.
One prune.

Going to skip lunch if I can because we’re going to the movies and I want plain popcorn and the rare diet drink.

Small popcorn (which was pretty large)
Diet Coke

Two strawberry crepes

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