The pool is closed today due to a swim meet. I certainly wish I could have gone swimming today but I don’t begrudge the students who have a meet there today. I have such a habit of heading to the pool at mid-morning on most days that I almost don’t know what to do with myself. The pool is closed tomorrow, too, as it always is on Sundays.
I’m not sure what my problem is, considering I eat a lot of prunes, but I feel constipated lately and I hate that feeling. I drink gobs of water, so it’s not from that. I guess it’s not enough fiber. But I also wonder if the timing of my exercise sort of interrupts my usual schedule. I would think exercise would help one to be regular, not the opposite. Sorry to even write about this, but it is annoying.
I was eager to get up and do my hair my way today since the woman who cut it yesterday decided I needed a turned under look. When I got out of the shower I applied makeup and put on some decent clothes. I sent my husband a text and was hoping I could finagle a way to get over to see him.
I did end up stopping by his apartment to pick up some books I claimed I wanted, but I stayed in the car and he brought them to me. He’s under the weather and had called a friend to bring him some things. I can’t believe how resistant he is to calling me for help. I would love to take care of him. He told me on the phone that his sciatic was flaring up and so I bought him a pack of those heat pads that you bend and then they become warm and you wear it around your lower back. He didn’t really seem to give a you know what.
I left there feeling so empty. It had been days since I had spoken to him and a couple of weeks since I had seen him. I am having the hardest time realizing he doesn’t want me in his life. What’s wrong with me? My heart is broken.
Today is one of those days where I feel I have not lost any weight. Where I look at myself in the mirror and think, my god you’re fat. I know I’ve lost weight and that I look better and I should be pleased and proud. I feel so good but then I look in the mirror and realize how far I have to go, then I am hard on myself for letting my body get so fat. As much as I realize having that attitude is self-defeating, I can hardly help it.
I am low today, and lonely, and I wasn’t able to swim, oh, and I’m constipated. But you know what? I am not going to throw all my hard work away and go eat myself through these feelings. I am as determined now as I was two months ago to repair my body and regain my health and nothing will get in my way.
You might wonder why I don’t write much about what I eat and why I stopped writing down what I ate each day. It’s because I decided it was only making me obsessed with food and I don’t want to be obsessed with food. Also, as I’ve mentioned a few times, I am not on a temporary “diet.” I plan to eat this way the rest of my life. By far the biggest thing I do to lose weight is portion control.
I read recently that some nutritionist suggested we put the food on our plate in the kitchen, then remove half of it, and then take the plate to the dining room and have a nice, slow meal. If you’re hungry after you’ve finished, you can go get some more. I have also love the idea of using smaller plates. It makes sense to me.
If, like last night, my mom prepares something I would not normally eat, I put a child’s size portion of the food on my plate and drink a lot of water. It seems to work for me.
I am not a health nut. I could be, I have been in the past, but I choose not to be. I’m not a vegetarian, but I used to be. I don’t eat red meat, but have been known to be unable to resist a rasher of bacon if I smell it. I figure I eat chicken or fish about two times a week.
If I crave tacos, I make them, and I even fry the corn tortillas. I limit myself to two and I fill them with tons of lettuce, avocado, salsa, a little cheese, and we use those meat substitutes that are supposed to replace the ground beef.
I drink 1 to 3 cups of coffee a day, usually one regular and 1 or 2 decaf. I put two teaspoons of sugar in my coffee along with the fake cream, whatever that is. I am unapologetic about it. Tacos and coffee are two things I love. Why would I deprive myself of them?
The teaspoons of sugar in my coffee are the only sugar I am eating these days and I don’t feel it’s a struggle or that I’m depriving myself. Oh, now and then I’ll have a small slice of dark chocolate if it is very high in cocoa, but I limit it to one or two squares.
I also don’t eat a great deal of fruit. I feel that a lot of hidden calories (and sugar) are in fruit and fruit juices. I am a real fan of the traditional old juice glass, which you hardly see anymore. A juice glass holds about 8 ounces or less, I’d guess, and that’s more than enough juice for anyone. Just start juicing oranges and see how many it takes to get to 8 ounces. We don’t need that many oranges or grapes or whatever else your juice is from. Let’s go back to using juice glasses!
I really limit white foods such as white flour, and white rice. I eat them, but in small quantities. If I have some rice, I make sure not to eat bread that day. I had some sushi yesterday and I’m not about to switch to brown rice just because someone has decided white rice is not healthy. I’ll just have a reasonable quantity of it. Besides, I don’t particularly care for brown rice.
If I had no bread whatsoever, and no rice whatsoever, and no sugar whatsoever, I can guarantee you that I would feel very deprived and I would not keep it up. To be honest I am enjoying my food overall. I’m just eating a lot less of it than I used to.
If I ever get near “normal” weight I will probably have to keep eating this way simply to maintain and that’s okay. It’s very doable.
I do get hungry between meals, especially after dinner. Sometimes just drinking a big glass of water is enough, but other times I’ll take a small handful of walnuts, or even a Fig Newton or two (the berry/whole wheat ones have become my splurge food).
I eat a fair amount of salad and have been enjoying them lately, although sometimes I go weeks without wanting a salad. I am certain I don’t eat enough vegetables and that is something I need to concentrate on.
I enjoy having crudités handy when I bother to make it. I like celery, carrots, radishes, bell peppers, and I don’t need to smother them in lots of dip which defeats the purpose. I just get lazy about it.
I’ve also been known to grab some olives out of the fridge and it’s quite satisfying if you’re craving the Fritos your mom is eating.
Having reasonable knowledge of the fat, protein, and carbohydrates in my food is serving me well and portion control is the other arm of my “diet” (way of eating). The way I am eating is a way that satisfies me, it’s relatively healthy, and is not extreme. I could never tell anyone else what they should eat to lose weight. I’m not a nutritionist (nor am I Gwyneth Paltrow!).
My husband just texted me thanking me for the heat packs. He said they helped. I am so glad. Sigh.
Agree or disagree? Feel free to leave a comment. And please follow me on Twitter @movingliquid1
UPDATE: It’s so nice to see that others agree that too much fruit juice is unhealthy! Read about it at the Guardian website: