Yesterday I took four doses of that “natural” powder that you mix with water to prevent constipation. The directions said three to four times a day so I wasn’t over doing it. Very little happened yesterday and very little this morning.
I’m confused. Am I constipated or am I just not eating so much that it produces large outcomes? I swear I’m not going to talk about constipation for this whole post. I simply must start eating more fruit and vegetables!
I had hoped to get up today and poop two pounds worth and then get on the scale and be thrilled. Well, that didn’t happen so I had to go ahead and weigh myself anyway.
It was with a huge amount of trepidation that I stepped on the scale. To my shock it read 230.6
I cannot believe I am that close to being in the 220s, something I haven’t been for well over ten years.
I am going to round up my weight to 231 which means that I have lost 36 pounds since mid-October. I can’t believe I’m getting close to a 40 pound loss.
As much as I really hate the anxiety leading up to weighing, I know that it truly helps me keep to my goal. By about Wednesday or Thursday I begin to think about Weighday and it keeps me in check. At 231 I should not be hitting plateaus yet. That time will come, of course, but I’m still large enough where weight loss should be expected with the amount of effort I’m putting into this.
It makes me sad that I felt so dismayed and negative yesterday when the results I’m working so hard for are actually happening for me. I need to stop and take some pride in myself and pat myself on the back. I need to spend less time thinking about how much farther I have to go and more time acknowledging what I’ve accomplished so far.
Sometimes I catch my image in the mirror and think, whoa, you look older with some weight loss or whoa, so that’s what they mean by loose neck skin. The bottom line is I am 56 and I will not look 36 after this weight loss. When you lose some of the fat in your face, you will look older, but at the same time, better. I have small features and they have been buried in a fat face. I will get used to my new face.
There are lots of places online where you can read about people’s success stories and see their before and after photos, but not too many of those women look like they’re well over fifty years old. When you read about how easy it is to gain weight after menopause you wonder if you can lose weight at all.
Well, you can. I swear you can because if I can, anyone can. Now how close to my goal weight I can get I do not know. I don’t even have a goal weight yet. If I recall, at 5’8″ I can look fairly small even at 160 pounds. To even get near that weight I have to lose 70 pounds.
All I want for myself is to not be in plus sizes and to be physically fit and able to take on all the activities I want to take part in. If I end up a fit size 12 I could live with that.
The hardest part of this entire journey was starting it because I had to get to the point where I knew gaining one more ounce might cause very grave health consequences. One of the last times I was with my husband in public I had to hold on to his arm to walk to the car. I felt like I was 90 years old and not 56. I felt really humiliated and frightened. I was not ready for that.
What’s amazing about this journey for me is that within just a week of starting it, I felt so much better, it was that quick. And then I wondered why on earth it took so many years for me to take my health back. But it did and I can’t make the clock or calendar go backwards. My age is my age. My weight is my weight. I’m dealing with it.
I think I deserve a hug. A hug from myself.
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