Feeling rather blah again today, sorry to say. Physically I feel so-so, and mentally I feel a bit worse than that. There’s tension in the house since last night because, as I’ve mentioned previously, my mother is rather high maintenance.
She’s compulsive about a few things, one of them is dishes. She’s so anal about dishes, that if I make myself a simple breakfast, I have to say to her as I walk by with my plate, “I’ll be back in a minute to do those dishes.” Otherwise she’ll get up and make sure you know she’s doing your dishes. It’s annoying as hell.
Dad and I are both good about doing our dishes and whatever dishes are in the sink. There are hardly ever more than six things so it never takes long. Last night she gets up at about 9 p.m. and goes into the kitchen to exclaim, “Oh my gosh there are dishes!” As though it were a Thanksgiving sized load and it were two in the morning. Dad said, “I’ll do it.” And I yelled from the front room, “I’ll do it.”
And she replied rudely to dad that she didn’t need help, she’d do them. He said, “If you’re going to do them, what’s the point of announcing there are dishes? Whose benefit is that for? Why not just do them?”
She hasn’t spoken to him since.
Just because he spoke the truth. The simple truth.
Just because she realized she was being a jerk and now is embarrassed at being called out. She will now punish dad for days.
That is more or less the sort of person I was, although not to that extreme. When I would be called out on my actions, I simply didn’t know how to take the critisism. It took me the longest time to realize that I should be called out on the shit I do and no one should have to walk on eggshells around me. We all walk on eggshells around my mother.
Her husband of 60 or so years, a man she’s known since he was a child, is dying of emphysema, and she chooses to spend more than 60 seconds feeling pouty and giving him the silent treatment. It’s an abomination. She should be ashamed. I don’t know what to say to her because she’ll do the same thing to me. Eggshells.
I’ve decided to go see Nebraska today (the movie) just to get out of the house.
My workout was interesting. A few minutes in the deep pool, then an hour in the lap pool where I felt I never warmed up, never had any sort of zone, and my arms felt tired. I forced myself to do several sets without looking at the clock because I knew it would seem like it was taking forever today. It worked. By the time I looked at it, almost an hour had gone by.
I was in a daze. I spent time at the edge in a daze before I would realize I need to swim. I never felt strong or powerful. I just forced myself to keep going. It’s better than no workout, I guess. I wonder why my arms are so tired today. You’d think they would have been more tired last week when I started doing more freestyle. I do like Tuesdays at the pool though. It’s mellow on Tuesdays and Thursdays with no classes going on.
I’m really enjoying learning how to fit the dolphin kick into my laps and exercises in the deep pool afterwards. It’s a good workout for my stomach as my stomach is still very big.
In the last ten or so years I sat at a computer a great deal. A few times I ran busy websites and would sit close to 18 hours a day at the computer. I’ve come to learn since then that SITTING IS VERY VERY EVIL Also it gives you a really fat stomach.
That’s me above at about age 17. I never thought I’d be the kind of person with a really big stomach. I am tall with a long torso, so you could not even tell I was pregnant until I was six months along. But the fat came. It came and it’s hanging on for life.
These old jeggings I’ve been wearing, which are now baggy pants, are held up by an old belt on it’s last hole. I think it’ll be good for me to get into clothes that fit me even though I’m still large. Again, I’m grateful it’s winter because I just hide inside my coat.
Spring is on the way and I really hope I can buy a spring dress to make me feel feminine and then a smaller summer dress. I’ve hardly worn any dresses in years. I wish I had someone to be with in my spring dress.
I wish I had a lover’s dishes to wash.
If you’re being called out on your bad behavior, change yourself. Do not take your shame out on the person who told you the truth. Own your bad behavior before it’s too late.
And yes, you can change. We can all change.
I’d love to hear your views in the comments section below.
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