The Other Woman is Winning in Every Way

Yesterday I swam for an hour at a fairly good pace. I won’t win races, but for me it was a slightly harder workout. I worked relentlessly on my website which looks really good now and I’m beginning to promote it. I had my exit interview with my supervisor at the kid’s center and will begin shadowing more experienced advocates next week. I’m keeping very busy.

But by nighttime I was falling into despair.

I finally tried to read a few pages of my book, The Happiness Trap, and was able to calm myself a bit.

The issue I’m having, the biggest one by far, is that I wake up in the night and I flash on it while I’m swimming, and everywhere in between:

My husband left me for another woman. He loves this woman more. He has chosen her over me. He is sorry. But he wants her, not me.

I guess my ego can’t take it. It’s so shattering. Demoralizing. So foreign from anything I’ve ever felt before.

I simply can’t wrap my head around how in a matter of a few weeks, you can desert the person who gave up everything for you.

I can honestly say I can’t imagine how long this will take me to get over, if I ever do. I have never had such a blow to my self esteem.

And the other day he told me I was being a bully by insisting he leave the area after he gets his settlement. I said, “Whoa, wait a minute. You’re the one who said this is a ‘hick town’ and you have no desire to stay here. Not to mention the weather which you hate. AND you said your family won’t move to a locale with weather just like the UK.”

I told him, “I did tell you that I’d like you to leave the area. I didn’t bully.”

But flash forward a year and his daughters (hopefully) are finally in America and reunited with their father. They are at the mall with him and his girlfriend and they run into me. How do we all act? I honestly feel I would probably faint if that happened.

This town isn’t that big. There’s one mall. There’s a small downtown. There aren’t that many places to go. How can I avoid him AND HER?


If I’ve gone to all this trouble to not spy on him and investigate who she is, how old she is, what she looks like, why would I be able to cope with running into her on accident? What if it’s someone we knew mutually? What if she’s 20 years old?

This is more than I can deal with.

The Happiness Trap advises us, when we are having these intrusive thoughts, to remember that our thoughts are not facts. We are taught to practice, when we are having these thoughts to say, “Oh. I see that I am having the thought about…” which helps us take a step back away from the thought. I’m not sure what we do after that. I only read a few pages. But to be honest, it helped a little.

Ladies, if you are ever in a position to be the other woman, please take a moment and decide not to. Tell the man you’ll consider dating him when he’s made a decision about his wife, but not before, no matter what he tells you about his wife. There are always two sides. You have no idea of the pain you are causing when you come into my husband’s life, without the stress of daily life, and take his affection away. Please. Leave married men alone. I beg you.

I can’t write more.

If there’s a god, I wish he/she’d help me.


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