I knew it. You always know when you’re not going to lose weight. I weighed 210.4 today, which is .7 of a pound less than last Sunday. I’m pretty disappointed. I guess 3/4 of a pound is better than gaining.
I will try harder this week. By next Sunday I will weight under 210. I need to focus harder to get under that 200 lb mark.
I saw my husband yesterday. I picked up some of my art supplies and other things he rounded up for me. He stood at the door of my car and chatted about his lawsuit and other things. He didn’t seem eager to have me go. After a few minutes I said, “Well, I need to get to the pool.” And I drove away. That was hard to do.
I’m sort of getting the feeling the other woman may not be so prevalent anymore. He messages me at night while he’s working on my website, which means he’s home at his computer and not out having fun with her. Perhaps she’s just out of town.
He looked so fragile and pathetic to me. I was very glad he didn’t come on to me. I hope he doesn’t. Yet as I write that I hope he does. I really hope he doesn’t. Oh man… I don’t think he will anyway since he “fancies me but doesn’t want to live with me.” I’ve at least made it clear that being his f*ck buddy is not of interest to me.
I imagine him saying, “I love you.” And me saying it back, because I still feel it. I don’t like myself for feeling it. I’m ashamed of myself.
Sometimes I think this break up proved to me, too late, that I actually loved him far deeper than I realized. Other times I think I’m just kidding myself because it’s so difficult dealing with his rejection of me. I’ll never know.
I’m busy these days, and that’s a good thing. Thanks for reading.
Starting weight: 267 (mid October 2013)
Today’s weight: 210
Total weight loss to date: 57 pounds
Goal weight: about 150 (about 60 pounds to go)