I noticed something when I was swimming today. My husband isn’t haunting my thoughts as much. And I don’t seem to be dwelling on the other woman. I was having quite a bit of message and phone contact with him while he was fine tuning my website, but now it’s basically done and I have no reason to contact him.
I sort of wish I had a reason to contact him. On the other hand I’m relieved not to.
He played with my head and that wasn’t nice. Now that I think of it he did call me yesterday to tell me he will be meeting with his attorney later this week. We kept the conversation to that business and then hung up.
I don’t know if I’ve hit some sort of milestone or if I’ll be acutely depressed tomorrow over him and his girlfriend, but for the last few days I am okay, and for that I am grateful. Just knowing it’s possible to have fairly normal days is a relief. It makes me hopeful for the future.
I volunteered at the kids center yesterday and today. Both cases were child sex abuse cases and both were very young girls. I feel as sorry for the mothers as I do the kids. The children aren’t dwelling on it, but their mothers are completely freaked out. And it’s important that they don’t let their kids see that so that their lives can get back to normal as quickly as possible. The experts say that with kids as young as I’ve seen, under four years of age, probably will have no recollection of what happened to them. I hope so.
Swimming is hard for me these last few weeks and I’m not sure why. I’ve tried to improve my stroke recently. I felt I was using too much forearm and not enough whole arm and shoulder to stroke and so I’ve been working on that.
When I first started doing laps my main goal was to move for at least an hour. Because I was rusty and out of shape, I often had to resort to a really slow stroke that I had seen on the Guardian website called Total Immersion. But as I work to improve my stroke I have noticed that the improved movements are not conducive to slower swimming. In other words, I must swim a bit harder to be able to do the stroke properly. So, perhaps I am more fatigued simply because I’m giving myself a harder workout.
And that’s okay. I want to swim faster. I’m envious of the swimmers who are really moving in their lanes. Every now and then I go all out for a length, but I can’t keep that up. Today it felt like every stroke was hard. It takes me until about lap 35 to feel fully warmed up and then by lap 55 I’m really tired again.
My size 18 Speedo is already feeling big so I’m wondering if it stretched because I have not lost much weight since I bought it. Annoying. I ordered a pack to haul my pool stuff around from Speedo and it should arrive in a few days. I also bought some stuff to organize my toiletries better. I figure any money spent on making my workout better is money well spent.
This is the pack I ordered. There were many colors to choose from, but I liked this one — it felt sort of retro to me:
Last night I was really uncomfortable with my gallstones and whatever else is going on inside me. I probably should call my doctor, but I just can’t face that right now. My gallbladder has been scanned twice and it is filled with gallstones. I’ve read all over the internet that people who have gallstones and lose weight too quickly increase their chances of a gallbladder attack so I’m shocked I haven’t had one. Last night I feared I was in for one, but it eased up.
Tomorrow I will swim, take care of some tax stuff and then I hope to go to this huge used book store downtown and take photos for an article I want to write for my website. I type that here so that I actually go and do it. I have no more shifts at the kids center this week, so I need to keep busy.
Thanks for reading.