I ate terribly the last three days. We had a lot of company and so many temptations and I succumbed to many of them. On Sunday I could not bring myself to weigh. I know I should have, but I don’t want to get discouraged. I determined to write off the past week.
Our company is now gone in fact my parents are at the airport now saying goodbye to my brother, his wife, and new baby. I could have gotten home from my doctor’s appointment to go with them, but my mother is so horrible at goodbyes I thought I’d spare myself. She will be a puddle of tears for at least a day.
I didn’t swim Friday, tried to swim a bit Saturday, but only got 30 minutes of water aerobics in. The pool was closed Sunday, and then this morning I had an appointment with a surgeon to talk about my gallbladder. After my light lunch has digested a bit, I plan to head to the pool and see what it’s like in early afternoon. I’ve got to get right back on my path.
The surgeon’s job is to cut into you, so they are a tad reluctant to tell you that it’s okay to wait, but this doctor was pretty okay with that. The truth is it’s probably inevitable that I will have my gallbladder out. It’s a matter of when, not so much if.
If I wait, I might be able to go on the way I am for quite some time. Or I might have a gallbladder attack and need emergency surgery.
If I have the surgery, all could go well and I’d be swimming again in under two weeks, or I’ll have all kinds of complications and I won’t be. (Including diarrhea forever…).
So, because it’s not bothering me too much right now, I opted to try to buy some time. He said the best thing I can do is the low fat diet and I said I’m already doing pretty well at that.
The one thing I learned today is that if we decrease the amount of fat we consume, the body starts to use the fat that we have stored. So someone like me would need a certain percentage of “good” fats for general health, but maybe not as much as a non fat person.
Even if I am only able to lose 10 more pounds before the surgery, I feel it will benefit me. I’ll just cross my fingers.
The poor eating I did this weekend showed me that I have very little control when my routine is disrupted and sweets are put in front of me. I have to find a way to live in the real world with real temptations or I WILL GAIN EVERY POUND BACK. That is totally unacceptable to me!
My husband called me over the weekend. He asked if my brother “asked about me.” I said, “No.” He said, “Bloody hell. This family doesn’t care about anyone but themselves and they don’t care about you.” I interrupted him and said, “They care about me.” But I didn’t want to argue with him about whether they care about him or not.
He’s never met my brother. I’m sad but not surprised that he’d go back to that old shit of trying to convince me that my family don’t care about me. They do care, very much.
And actually they did ask about our situation and I filled them in. Dad added, “He’s a con-man and always has been.” And I didn’t correct him, but my husband is many things, but he didn’t try to con me and he doesn’t go around conning people. He is someone who feels he should not have to pay his dues, that’s for sure. He’s a very entitled person. My parents never did like him or give him a chance, which I actually feel is a shame. He was the most fascinating person outside of the family to enter this house!
But I’m feeling pretty raw about him these days and have gone out of my way not to email, text, or call him. He called me two or three times this weekend, I think because he knew I was busy with family, but I kept it very short and businesslike.
His case is about to heat up so I better hold on for the ride. He wants me to meet with his attorney this week or next week.
I’m distant from him mostly because I’m hurt, angry, and know I need to do everything I can not to succumb to him if he should change his mind.
I told my brother and sister in law that my biggest regret was losing my last husband and that I went into this relationship and lost everything that he and I had worked hard for 18 years for. Gone. All of it. Up in smoke. And I felt that was so disrespectful towards my last husband. I began to cry and my sister in law came and hugged me.
But the highlight of the weekend was holding my young nephew for the first time. He’s easy going and sweet and adorable. I hadn’t held a baby for many years but it came back. And I was very glad I am relatively fit because my mother and father seemed very frail with him and I could take him and walk with him.
While they were here they went out to dinner and did a couple of errands without the baby, the first time they’ve been apart from him since he was born. If I hadn’t been here, they would not have been able to do that. I am so happy for them.
And I got to see my daughter and it was so hard to see her go yesterday, but she couldn’t stay longer, she has school today. I told her I’d come see her as soon as she was ready for me to. I’m very concerned about her weight and I wish I could motivate her somehow. She’s not as tall as me and very prone to a lot of weight in the gut area. Because she’s in the food and beverage industry, she has had times where she drank too much. She’s so beautiful. I want her to feel as good as I do. And I want her to live a long time.
I saw a little girl in the mall with her mother the other day and the girl was 7 or 8 and crying. It reminded me of her so much and I almost had to sit down I was so overcome with emotion. Where does the time go? Why don’t we appreciate every moment of our lives? What could I have done to make her happier and healthier? And why can’t I get a do-over!?
I love her more than anything in the world. Even typing that causes me to tear up.
I think I’ll get ready for the pool.