I Still Do Love Him

My husband called me last night. The first time he’s called me in the evening in a while.

It took me a few minutes to realize he didn’t really have a point to his call. We bickered for a few minutes and then settled in to a really nice conversation about business ideas, the city we live in, politics, our families, and more.

When we were wrapping it up I thanked him for the conversation and I could tell he enjoyed himself too. I hung up and thought to myself, ‘I love him.’

BUT, he hurt me more than any other human being on earth ever has. He blamed me for the failure of our marriage even though the stress I bore, knowing my money was finally gone, was overwhelming to me.

It’s just a shame. Honestly, the only people on earth who would be glad if we were together would be his children, and even then, they might not really care that much.

He did some horrible things and in the end I told my family much of them. They already did not like him, and after I told them more, they disliked him more. But it is sad, because they never really gave him a chance. All they could think about it that this guy was using their daughter, so they thought, and was not supporting me, and so they hated him.

I can’t fathom, and I mean this, ever letting him get close to me ever again. Not physically or mentally. It’s a risk I cannot take. But if he had not cheated and had not discarded me, I would have him back. After all, until he admitted there was another woman, (and even a little afterwards) I was trying desperately to get him back.

But it is very nice to have a long conversation with someone who already knows you. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever have someone else in my life to do that with.

Even when he told me about complaining to the city because the road work outside his apartment was too loud (haha), I just laughed because it’s so him. It’s what he does. He complains. He wants the world to work better.

We talked a lot about the different cultures of the US and UK. And it’s my opinion that the UK is more evolved than the US. When people from outside the USA  make fun of Americans who do not have a passport, I get that. We need to visit other cultures in order to be better, more interesting people. Some Americans get that. Most don’t.

Oh, he did say he wished I would have phone sex with him and I said I hadn’t enjoyed that for years, sorry. I added, “No. I want the real thing with someone who loves me.” He was just quiet.

I’m okay today, not upset by his call, not delighted, either. I went to the pool today but the parking lot was overflowing. They must have had a swim meet there so I just came back home.

Tomorrow is WeighDay and I’m not happy about that.

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2 responses to “I Still Do Love Him

  1. It’s ok to still love them… It’s not easy, but I think it’s better for ourselves and our futures to carry on not holding grudges/hatred….

  2. Yes, Bamboozled1, perhaps this is the beginning of he and I becoming friends. I hardly feel he deserves it, but it’s better than walking around with hatred. Time will tell.

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