You know, all I wanted to do this week was lose one measly pound in order to get under 200 and I don’t think I’ll make it.
I’m super nervous and so I seem to have very little control over what’s going into my mouth. I went to see Godzilla yesterday, and it was awesome, but I ate popcorn and candy and then I sat and chewed on my fingers. They hurt today.
My stomach/bowel issues are not good and I have been denying them for several weeks. Constipation when I should not be constipated and my prune juice is barely doing the job these days. I finally made an appointment with my GP to talk about it next week, although I think I will still resist the whole colonoscopy thing. I’m just not emotionally ready to deal with that.
My volunteer job causes me some stress because we have quite a bit of responsibility and we’re dealing with stressed out parents who are mortified that their child has been sexually abused, or they are mad because they’ve been separated from an abusive spouse who hit them in front of their kids. They are realizing that Oregon has really strict laws when it comes to what you do to kids and in front of kids.
But the main thing causing me stress is my website, my “proper” website, not this blog. I rose to the challenge this week and explained on paper what it is I hope to accomplish and then I wrote to some people in the community to tell them about it. I also wrote to a second cousin. I wrote to my brother who is asking his friends if they’d like to collaborate. I put my neck out there.
When I do that I begin to panic and that’s why I’m nervous.
What am I doing? Why am I qualified to do this? Who do I think I am?
Well, I have an idea, I have nothing to lose, I need to try it. I think my main fear is that I’ll fall on my face, but so what? I haven’t lost anything, but I will have gained experience. I’ve just been such a quitter all my life, yet all my life I wanted to be an entrepreneur and have my own business.
But this stuff, this stuff is for younger people, not me. I suppose that could be true. I may be blind to how idiotic this endeavor might be. I don’t think my brother would be contacting his friends, though, if he though I just had a stupid idea.
The truth is, if I had the gumption, this idea could work quite easily. The only thing in my way is ME. I have to keep reminding myself of that!
I’ve got stomach cramps. I’m exhausted because my mother is very inconsiderate and makes a ton of noise every morning and I slept from about midnight to 4:30 a.m.
I’m going to drag myself to the pool and get through an hour swim and then I don’t know what else I’ll do since I’m so exhausted.
People overeat when they are tired because the stimulation of eating keeps them awake for a while. I’m no exception.
Today is Thursday, and I will apply myself today, Friday, and Saturday in the hopes that when I get on the scale on Sunday, it will say 199. That’s not asking too much.