“Meh” Creeps In and Out of My Life

I’ll actually be busy for the next two days, a rare thing for me.

Today I’ll swim in the morning and by 1pm will be at my volunteer job where kids who have been victims of child sexual abuse are forensically interviewed. It is always interesting. For the first time, I was watching the local news last night and they mentioned the very case I had worked on on Monday. It was surreal. The child sex offender wasn’t there when they went to arrest him after the police officer left the kids center. He’s run off, which is no surprise, because he already served 25 years in jail for a similar offense. When they catch him he will never see the light of day again.

I’m not sure how it is that I am handling¬†this volunteer job. I can’t think of a heavier subject. But I do it and I come home and it really gets me out of my own head. When I’m there, I’m ALL there. I also like the young women I work with, both volunteers and paid employees. I actually hope that even if I start my own business, I still continue to do my 8+ hours a week there.

On Saturday there is a local fair for families and the center will be there with a table. Kids will come by and do a craft. I signed on to man the table with a couple of other women. That, too, should be interesting especially as I figure out how NOT to get sunburned!

I still feel as though I’m turning yet another corner. Yes, I felt blue after I saw my husband on Wednesday, but that is slowly dissipating. The overriding emotion I feel regarding my husband is pity, and that’s nothing to base a relationship on.

When I got to the pool and walked out to an empty lane I put my backpack on the dive board thing and was getting my flip flops off when the guy in the lane next to me said, “Hi. How are you?” And I recognized him from one other time. I told him I was fine, asked him how he was, and made a comment about the dreaded the first plunge of the day. He commiserated and told me to have a nice swim. I said the same back to him. I spent the rest of the hour wondering if he was interested in me. Honestly I am like a 12 year old girl with no clue about men! He’s just a friendly man. He wasn’t overly talkative. He was just being nice. He’s probably married! I need to chill out. I feel ridiculous!

I investigated other things to do to help me meet people and found a group for potential small business owners and plan to attend their next meeting. The only issue is they meet on the same night as my women in transition group does. I’m dismayed by that group, but I’ve only been twice so I don’t want to judge hastily. To be frank, we need to have a few more members and I wish it were less “hippyish”. A stupid way to put it, but that last exercise of looking into another woman’s eyes and telling her about her essence was just dumb to me. I don’t do that kind of thing well.

It’s a bad time of year to find groups to join since the summer classes started weeks ago. I just have to keep looking.

I still visit the Chump Lady website a few times a day. It has helped me immeasurably and I truly wish there was a physical, local group like that to attend. No B.S. just the facts and how to move forward.

My husband attended the deposition yesterday and he said it went well. The man he is suing lied under oath, but at the same time he admitted everything that took place. Don’t know how long this will drag out, but I’m glad something has finally happened, it’s been almost a year since all of this went down. The trial is still set for October, and they won’t go to trial because this man he is suing would make the WORST witness. He’s hyper, angry, unpredictable, and just totally unlikeable. So hopefully sometime between then and now the man’s insurance company will call my husband’s attorney and start throwing numbers around.

In every spare moment I think about my new business and what it will entail. I can’t afford for it to fail. I realize that’s a risk with any business, but I have to do everything I can to make it succeed. I am still really excited about it.

I made a nice dinner for my mom and dad last night and I feel as though I live here now. It feels less awkward to say, “my room,” for example.

As of this moment, I’m feeling a bit “meh” which is what we chumps strive for. It’s a glorious feeling and I hope it visits me more often.




4 responses to ““Meh” Creeps In and Out of My Life

  1. Your volunteer job sounds so interesting! I think the guy at the pool talking to you is cool. He could become a good friend because you have swimming in common. Is there any kind of swimming competition by you for older adults?

  2. Cynthia, sometimes I wish I still lived near the California coast and could access a beach. I think it might be fun to enter an open water race. I guess you can find them at lakes, but it wouldn’t be the same to me.

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