I knew I should not have done it, but yesterday my husband said he wanted to call me. I could tell it was for no real reason, and for that I should have been strong and said, no, what is it? We can talk via messaging and email. But no, I wanted to see what was going on in his mind.
Sure enough there was no point to his call. I think he’s a bit at loose ends because his kids and mother are on vacation and he can’t talk to them as much as he usually does. He basically called me because it is an old habit and he was bored — not because he cares for me.
When I realized the conversation had gone on long enough I said, “Well, I’d better get my suit on and get to the pool.” He said, “Mmmm, wish I could see that.” And I felt like vomiting. What the hell? I am pretty certain he thinks he could just wiggle his little finger and I’d be back in the sack with him. If there is another woman at present, I imagine she lives in Portland so he doesn’t get his daily fix. The idea that he thinks I’d be flattered that he flirts with me is absurd.
I have to remind myself that this man was more cruel to me than any other human being in all my 57 years of life on this earth. Why would I give my time and emotions to a person like that?
On another note, things are very, very hard here at my parent’s house. My mom has had diarrhea for over a month every single time she eats. She went to the doctor finally yesterday who ran some blood tests and asked her if she was under stress. She responded that she was very much under stress because her husband has COPD and she still works as much as possible.
And while that is true it makes me mad that she and her doctor just say, “Well, that’s it then. You’re stressed because of all these external reasons, but not because YOU MAKE YOURSELF STRESSED.”
And she very much makes herself stressed. It’s so annoying. And she virtually spends NO time examining herself and working on herself. It’s always got to be someone else’s fault.
And my dad’s COPD is worsening. He was on a dose of antibiotics and it appears that he’ll have to repeat that course because he seems to be drowning in mucus. My god I feel so helpless. He went to bed last night and couldn’t cough any of it up so got up. I made him some tea to see if it would help. I suspect he was awake half the night. His life is a nightmare. I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy.
I swam five days last week, and every day so far this week, so that’s good. But I am still eating terribly at night. While I’m swimming I’m trying to examine why controlling my eating at night is so impossible. I can’t come up with a reason yet and I’m feeling so dismayed because I can tell some of my clothes are feeling a bit tight. That won’t do.
If I can’t even maintain my weight loss, how can I ever expect to lose the rest of it? I can’t! But I have not given up hope. I just need to figure it out. And keep swimming. Although the pool will be closed from September 1st through 21st, which alarmed me. I will have to do something else during that time.
I’ve been buying too much at the charity shops and so I’ve put some things on eBay. Only sold one thing so far, but am hoping to sell more because I promised my daughter I’d give her some money for her dog’s cancer surgery next month. Today after swimming I am going to go to my storage unit and dig out more things to post on eBay. I have to try!
As much as I feel I should be doing something right now to prepare myself for having a future business, I’ve decided it’s okay to not count my chickens before they hatch. There’s always a chance that there will be no settlement, or a small one, too small to start a business with. I have many ideas, but they all depend on knowing how much money I’ll end up with.
I came up with a great idea yesterday, one that’s been percolating for a long time. I love the idea of scout badges, like the kinds I earned as a kid in Girl Scouts. I also bought some very cool patches a couple of years ago at a Comic Con in London which were “Steampunk” based. Steampunk is “a sub-genre of science fiction that typically features steam-powered machinery, especially in a setting inspired by industrialized Western civilization during the 19th century.”
Anyway, since I run a website for kids I’ve often thought about what I could sell to kids and I came up with this idea of designing patches for tweens and teens that they will feel compelled to collect and put them on their denim jackets, backpacks, etc.
Back when my daughter was young everybody had those plastic necklaces and bought dozens if not hundreds of dumb plastic charms to clip on them. Remember those? They sell for a lot on eBay these days! I had been trying to think of what I could sell that would make kids buy and then buy again and again.
So the patches could be based on crushes, or technology, or interests and hobbies. Your patches tell the world something about you.
I’ve also learned from reading about this sort of business that it’s best to design the work and hire a company to manufacture it, since technology changes, and it’s a huge investment. So, I’d just need to design them and order them and then find places to sell them.
I imagine it’s hard to know if you’ll be the next Pet Rock or not, but I think it would be fun, and not an enormous investment. I hope no one reading this blog will take my idea and run off with it! But I would like to know what others think of it. Oh, and for a long time I wondered about how I’d attach the patches because sewing them on is so hard, but there are new clothing “glues” that will work beautifully for this purpose.
Here are some examples of steampunk patches, but I would be broader than this so as to appeal to more kids. Patches for readers, for Harry Potter lovers, for various sports activities, Apple products, texting, video games, food, the sky is the limit, really.
That’s just me, having another of dozens of ideas to pursue. We shall see.