Eh, Blah, Looking Forward to Meh

I made my blog private for a day. I got suddenly worried that what I write here might somehow be found. I’ve decided to talk even more cryptically about my husband’s case.

The good news is I don’t have to go to the deposition tomorrow, so that’s a relief. I can’t disclose the reason yet, but it’s a good one. I’ll look forward to hearing what questions they asked my husband.

His attorney did say that they’re basically wanting to test things out in order to begin making offers. He also thinks we may just want to take it to trial. I don’t care. I just want my husband’s ex boss to be punished the only way he’ll understand.

The next month or two will be telling, indeed.

I’ve spoken to my husband quite a bit yesterday and today. We had a lot to run by one another and were both nervous about the deposition. It just seems so wrong that we are not together, fighting this together. That still has not sunk in.

I’m just so alone. Like right now I just want to call him and talk about it. This was several intense and horrible months of our lives. I’m the only one who knows what he went through and he’s the only one who knows what I went through, but we can’t be together to share it. My heart feels broken. I’m so lonely.

I just have to remember that if he cared for me we would be together and he would not have fucked someone else. But he did, and there we are.

I’m lonely and sad, but still going forward with all that I need to do. But the bottom line is it didn’t need to end this way. It really didn’t. I doubt he’ll find anyone who likes him the way I did. Well, maybe he will. I’m probably full of shit. He needs a flashier broad. Look at me, still feeling the feels for a man who was unbelievably cruel to me. This case needs to end so he can depart my town.

I am gaining weight. No doubt about it. I’m trying desperately to not eat anything else tonight. I can’t figure out why this is suddenly so hard. I refuse to accept it. I will beat this. I fucking will.

I explained my patch idea to my daughter today and she thought it was intriguing. She’s not getting along with her boyfriend, so who knows, if the timing is right and I actually start a business, perhaps I can talk her into moving back down here. I miss her so.

I’ve done a bit more research on the idea. There are a couple of companies here in town I’m eager to speak to. These patches will be made in the USA or I will not make them at all. And locally, if possible. I think it is possible. But sold everywhere, and on my awesome website which doesn’t yet exist. I’m taking my time with name ideas, although I have a couple of decent ones.

I’m beginning to have some really great ideas and will keep them mum for now. But I still love the fact that this business can be started relatively cheaply, and run just by me at the start, and from home, if necessary. But even when I do rent a warehouse, warehouse rent isn’t too bad. And I won’t have to give up swimming or work seven days a week unless I want to. It’s perfect for me. And with any luck I’ll bring my daughter along to help.

I’ve managed to sell about $150 worth of stuff on eBay, but the money won’t be available to me for another week or two. Weird system, PayPal. But I’ll be giving it all to my daughter because her dog needs cancer surgery and she just can’t save fast enough for it. I wish I hadn’t bought all this stuff in the first place.

I hope there’s an interesting business class to take this Fall, because that would be a good use of my time and get me out of the house a couple nights a week. I’m crossing my fingers.

And still trying to organize a local Chump Lady MeetUp, but so far there are only four of us interested so we’ll see. I’ve postponed it for the last time today.

One thing I can tell you is going well, believe it or not, is swimming. It’s as though the extra calories are making swimming easier. Jeez, there’s no middle ground. I’m sad that they will be closing for maintenance for over TWO WEEKS. My god I have to find another pool for that time.

But I’m still gaining weight, because, duh, I eat too much. I worked towards it today, and plan to begin it tomorrow: GOING NO SUGAR. Just to see if it gives me the kickstart I need. A shame because I ate a small amount of sugar the whole time I was losing, until the last few months, but now I can’t seem to control it. Therefore it must go. I’m not giving up I’m telling you. I’m not!

When I talk about the case with my parents I see that blank look on their faces that tells me they do not have high hopes, and do not think I’ll see a dime. I hid so much of what was happening from them because I didn’t want them to be afraid for me, or to judge us too harshly. So when I tried to fill them in on the horror of it all, they just couldn’t really imagine it. It’s not their fault.

I believe there will be money. And it will be between $10,000 and $100,000 — so right now, only god knows.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. They say that “meh” will arrive on a Tuesday. Maybe it will be my lucky day. But if not, another Tuesday works for me too.





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