Holding My Breath. Waiting for News.

I swam on Tuesday and today (Wednesday) at a replacement pool. It’s not as big, not as nice, and has limited lap swimming hours so it makes me really appreciate my regular pool. I have another ten or so days until it’s reopened. But it’s sort of nice trying out a new pool and having a change of scene.

I’m eating badly but am doing all I can do about that at the moment. There’s so much tension with the lawsuit that I’m just trying to get through each day.

My husband got my opinion about how much to ask for and then he spoke to a close friend who had good input, and then he told his attorney, in no uncertain terms that he wanted [blank amount] and was unwilling to quibble even a little so if they didn’t accept that he’d see them in court next month.

It is a lot of money, but when you divide it between his lawyer, him, and me, it’s not ridiculously big. It took balls to go for that, and I feel reasonably confident they’ll come back in a few days and say okay. Or, I’m in for a really rude awakening and we’ll end up in court at the mercy of a jury next month where we can end up with more or less of a settlement. Eek. You can see why I’m nervous.

The good news is I spoke to a CPA today who told me only the back wages part of the settlement money is taxable, the rest is not. That was very, very good news that I passed on to my husband.

When I’m swimming all I’m thinking about is my business which for now I’ll call H&B. I was working late at the kids center yesterday and so I could not get out in order to attend the Business Entity presentation from the StartUp Meetup group. I have to make more of an effort to plan my schedule around their offerings. I’ve noticed the chamber of commerce is now offering their own presentations. I think they cost, so I can’t go yet. But in time I will.

My business will start out small and will not have an employee for a while, but I need to set it up right. I need to write a business plan, which I plan to do soon.

It’s funny. I want to enter the world where I learn from CPAs and attorneys and other business people. I want to meet other business owners. I have so much learning and catching up to do. My idea is novel and I’ve pretty much determined the first three products I will sell on my website.

Getting this money will certainly take the sting out of having my life fall apart last year. The truth is it was falling apart since the day I met my husband, maybe even before that. I asked myself whether I’d rather have an intact marriage or the money and the bottom line is that marriage was a train wreck. I would like to have an intact marriage, just not that marriage. Or, I wish that marriage could have been different.

Of course I have to add that I still feel love and affection for him and I fear what will happen to him in the future if he doesn’t use his money wisely. He won’t get another chance like this to pull himself up.

I feel he’ll probably leave the area, as he has already stated, but I also think there’s a chance that he might realize there is no place to go where he wouldn’t be starting from scratch. I have mixed feelings about this. Wait, no I don’t really. I do need him to go at least as far as Portland otherwise I will never feel comfortable in my own town. But I won’t be surprised if he decides to stay. He hasn’t talked about being business partners anymore, thank god, and I have mentioned H&B to him, so he knows I’m going in another direction. If he stays I will have to take back my town anyway. Maybe if I’m busy being an entrepreneur I won’t care if I run into him and his chick.

What will he do with his money? His mother has already asked to borrow a huge chunk of it. If we were a couple I’d be having a fit over that. Jesus, people, can’t you even let him get on his fucking feet? You blame him for not providing and then you yank the rug out from under him. They’re nuts. I am SO FUCKING RELIEVED THAT HIS FAMILY IS NO LONGER MY PROBLEM!

My brother’s ex wife has schizophrenia and is quite ill. She’s wasted all the hundreds of thousands that my brother gave her in their divorce settlement and now she’s destitute. I feel horrible for her. Her mom and dad died years ago and she also went through a hefty inheritance from them. Her sister is just as ill. She has two half brothers who don’t want anything to do with her.

I wish I had my own place so I could have her move up here with me. The idea that she’s facing eviction is horrible. After my daughter and father, I love my brother the most, and he has a lovely wife and new baby and I can’t imagine them not in his life, BUT he should have done things differently. I know hindsight is 20/20 but you can’t ask a severely mentally ill person how they want their money. You need a member of their family to set up a conservatorship. But the money’s gone now and my brother has no more to give. He’s feeling terrible about everything. They were together over 25 years.

Perhaps when I get my own place I can offer to help her come up here. If I had no family I would certainly appreciate someone reaching out to help me, so if I can do that for her, I will. I hope she manages until then.

God. There are so many people who need help. Where to begin. First, I need a business. I need this money to work for me.




2 responses to “Holding My Breath. Waiting for News.

  1. This is exciting! It would be so nice if you don’t have to go to trial.

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