I’m Nervous. All. The. Time.

I went to the StartUp Meetup last night and, while I didn’t get that much out of it because the subject matter (new product development) doesn’t really apply to me, I think it’s important for me to start getting used to business lingo and going places that are out of my comfort zone. It was easier to walk into the building this time, since I had done it once before.  The wonderful part is, on my way out of the building, which is a bit of a maze, I ran across this commercial sewing business that I read about but was having trouble finding them online. The three owners (women) were there so I walked in and chatted with them for a few minutes because I’d like to carry custom tea-towels and maybe shopping totes.

I told them I was going to be starting a business and I didn’t feel like a fraud as I said it. Perhaps I should. You see, my husband always inflated himself in other people’s eyes, but I’m not that way. In fact he’d say I go too far to be modest or self deprecating and he’d put me down for that. He calls what he does a slight exaggeration, but I would call it lying. Big difference there in our values. He claimed you have to paint yourself out to be larger than life because no one else is going to.

But that’s not for me. I’m just going to be who I am. He never thought just being me was good enough. But I do. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not.

I am constantly thinking about my business, as you know. Especially while I swim. Yesterday I realized I could take my business in a slightly different direction and it really excited me. My goal is to travel and buy stuff as I travel, bring some of it home in my luggage, ship the rest to myself, and then put it on my website. Since the website will have things coming and going all the time, people will be compelled to visit it often and know that everything is purchased in small quantities so they can’t put off buying too long. They will seldom have to worry that nothing new will be on the site. I’m very excited about that. Oh, and I have decided that it will carry new and vintage items.

Of course this means I’ll need to be serious about buying and what woman has a problem with buying? Not me! This means that I’ll need a couple of people to man the fort when I’m out buying. It can be done, as long as I buy right, market it right, and don’t get scared.

Wait, of course I’ll get scared. But I will not let my fear stop me.

And, I forgot to mention that about one third of the products I carry will be unusual USA made goods, so I don’t always have to rely on getting to Europe.

As I visualize the website I know it really has to be spectacular, after all, it is my storefront. I will spend money there and not cut corners. I need it to run smoothly so that almost anyone anywhere can buy from me.

The man who spoke last night is an advisor at the small business development center in town. It reminded me that I need to get in touch with them and I plan to make an appointment to talk to someone there next week.

I better stop talking about it for now. I feel I might jinx it if I talk about it too much before the case is settled.

My eating is still awful, but I did swim yesterday and I plan to go swim today. It still feels odd being at a new pool. I’ll be glad to be back at the pool in my neighborhood when it re-opens next week.

Tonight is the 2nd “Leave a Cheater” Meetup group. I’m very nervous about it (geez, what am I not nervous about?). I need to be a bit stronger so that I can make certain that everyone can talk. They wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to talk. We’ve got to take turns, not let it be a free for all. I’m going to write something up to hand out tonight. I expect only three other people besides me.

I’m staying up too late and not getting enough sleep. I’ve picked at the skin on my fingers and feet until I’m sore. And I’m eating wrong. This is how I handle stress — not well at all. I really, really want them to settle this week.

Sorry about being a broken record.

The funny thing is, when the money does come in, so will a whole new slew of things to be nervous about. I need to accept that anxiety is just going to be a part of my daily life and settle in with it.  And if the money does not come? I can’t even go there.



3 responses to “I’m Nervous. All. The. Time.

  1. Accepting the anxiety really does take away some of it’s power! And you’re right, there’ll always be something to be anxious about. I’m anxious all the time and can’t always pinpoint what about. So you could say I’m anxious about “nothing” LOL. But that’s me and I accept it (maybe).

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