So I Guess I Bought A Power Suit

I’m so incredibly grateful to the people who read my blog, whether all the time or just occasionally. I’m very honored to have your concern and support. This blog and the people who read it, along with the pool, and Chump Lady website, were my salvation this year.

I spent about three hours in Macy’s today just walking in circles. Trying things on. Changing my mind. Becoming exhausted. I ended up finding their suit department. I didn’t know it existed because I never needed one before. I bought a royal blue blazer, a black pleated knee length skirt, and a sort of lacy white blouse to soften the look. Took me three hours to do that. And $150.

Funny enough, I have had about that much in eBay sales in the last few weeks so yay.

Some good news is that not one of the pieces of clothing came from the “Women’s” department. I ventured into parts of Macy’s that I only looked at from afar all these years. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wear 90% of what the rest of the store offers. The stuff I bought today was size 16 and snug. But the 18s looked wrong. So I decided to eat light in hopes they’ll fit better in a couple of days.

I got so discouraged at one point, with my indecision, and the horrible lighting in the dressing room (why does my hair look green there?) that I thought of the phrase, “Trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” And yeah, I felt like a sow’s ear.

Nevertheless I bought the suit that I hope will help me get the job and I hope I can soon buy ten of everything so that they all mix and match and I don’t have to shop like that any more. I mean it’s fun to buy a purse or shoes, but clothing, not so much — to me it’s more of a chore. (It would probably not be a chore if I were a size ten).

I can see how trying on nice clothing might really help me lose some more weight. God knows I need to. Just because I feel good and have a lot of energy, doesn’t mean I’m skinny. Far from it. I haven’t weighed in a couple of months, but I’ll bet I’m at 205 or so.

In the coming weeks I’ll begin to weigh again. And I’ll take pains to bring a healthy lunch most days. And I’ll walk and walk and walk that mall whenever they’ll let me out of the office. Sitting, we all know by now, is terrible for our health.

I feel a bit like a fraud in those nice clothes, but I figure I can get used to it if given the opportunity. But I read somewhere that you should dress for the job you want, so I decided I would always take pains to look my best.

I hope to get up tomorrow, shower, and go to church. I’ve been saying it for weeks, but I think tomorrow’s the day. I’m facing all these changes, why not see how it feels to be there? We’ll see. The service I like is at 11 or 11:30 so it’s not like I have to get up early for it. I hope I go.

Oh, and I went to my “Leave a Cheater” Meetup group online and announced that I would not be the organizer any longer. I asked if anyone wanted the position. If no one does I’ll just dissolve the group. It just wasn’t working with only three or four of us. But I guess I’m glad there aren’t that many suffering “chumps” in our community. And I’m glad I did it.

I’m worried about my husband but too annoyed by him to contact him. I have no idea what he’s up to, I pray he hasn’t murdered anyone and hasn’t taken off with all the money. In other words, the same old shit. I will say this, he is really fucking hating this town and the “hicks” in it. I know that if he has anyway to do so, he’ll get the fuck out of here. I hope so. I really do. Time for him to move on.

Time for me to move on. I don’t want him to occupy my brain any longer.

Took me long enough to get here, didn’t it?





8 responses to “So I Guess I Bought A Power Suit

  1. Good luck to you! I know it isn’t easy starting a job at our age-(I’m 58) Don’t give up on your dream of a business either. I think you could do both-just don’t get too overwhelmed. Try to keep swimming too-I am also a swimmer(and swim instructor-water exercise instructor)-that’s what drew me to this blog. I know the power of the water!

    • Thanks for the encouragement, Betsy. I’m pretty nervous about it all and I’m envious of your job! I know that I can keep swimming if I put the effort out — so I need to put it out! I’m actually feeling sore in my knees from three hours of wandering Macy’s yesterday which makes me really nervous about how much physical stamina I have. Glad to know you “get” the power of water as well. Thanks again for your kind words.

  2. I’m lovin all these changes! All for the good! I love how adventurous you are. I hate clothes shopping too. It is a chore and nothing seems to look right. For many years, I pretty much gave up and wore whatever. Now I at least try to put some effort in. And I especially like, “I don’t want him to occupy my brain any longer.” What a powerful statement!

    • Cynthia, I can talk a big talk about wanting to work and do anything I can to survive but then I tend to go kicking and screaming into change — I don’t like it a bit. The fact is I’m super nervous but have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And yeah, feelings for my husband are going back to what they should be. In a way I’m glad to see that he’s just as wound up and freaky even when I’m not in the picture.Thanks for being here, Cynthia. xox

      • Aw. Change is hard. And everything you’ve been going through is hard. But in spite of the nerves and fears and not wanting to, you are doing things to move forward. That’s huge. Many people allow those nerves and fears to paralyze them, never able to better their lives (yeah, maybe me…) You don’t have to be perfect or get it right all the time, just keep trying. 🙂

      • Thanks, Cynthia. I wonder why we’re so fearful in the first place! You don’t seem paralyzed with your hiking, running, and cooking healthy dinners! xox

  3. Hey, Moving Liquid. I get the heaviness of trying on work clothes. Ugh! I never looked right in them and felt like a fraud. But, what always saved me was on the day of an interview, I told myself that I know who I am. I know that I have ethics and morals and a good, kind heart. Those are my selling qualities. Who I am. And, I had some crazy stuff in my past too but on this day, it is about who I am today, and who I will be in the years to come. It is not about my past mistakes.

    I also felt like once I arrived at the place, it was like the hardest part was behind me. Having to dress in clothes that were not me, driving there, etc. Once I arrived, I had to focus on just one thing. Just answer their questions. Of course, there is the walking and greeting but for the most part, it was just a mindset of just answer the questions and you can go home and put on Levis!

    I hope that you get the job. Just show up and breath. Take your peace. Answer the best that you can. Rest. Congratulate yourself that you did it!

    • Hi, Marie, I hear what you’re saying and somehow at the eleventh hour I usually muster up courage and confidence even if it is temporary. If they hire me I think it’ll be because they like me and think I’ll fit in with their team and lastly that I am capable of learning the job. Part of this is kind of funny because I don’t want this job, but they’re the only one to have me come interview! I’m not big on “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be” but in this case I’m just going with the flow. If I get it, I’ll make the best of it. Ironically it’s because I don’t care if they hire me that I’m more relaxed than I would be normally. It’s all very weird!

      So good to know I’m not the only one who feels a bit of a faker in fancy schmancy clothes! Thanks for the support and encouragement.

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