I Canceled the Second Interview

I’d say you’ll never believe what I did today, but you’ll believe it.

I got to the kids center at 8:30 a.m. and was really busy with a family until 11:30. Then I went in to my supervisor’s office and told them about my appointment to have a second interview. I told them I don’t want the job. I don’t like the mall environment. I don’t like commercialism to the point where you can’t even close the fucking mall on major holidays anymore.

They understood and of course would hate to lose me. And they told me of two openings in a related field to the area I volunteer in and forwarded me the job description. Then I wrapped up my work there, sat in my car, and told the man I would be interviewing with that I had had a change of heart; that I do not feel the mall environment is a good fit for me, and that I didn’t want to waste their time and I wish them well in their search for the perfect candidate.

He responded he respected my decision and wished me well.

And then, because I’m a 57 year old baby. I came home to my parents, got into my power suit and let them think I was going for the interview. Please go ahead and laugh. It’s pathetic that I don’t feel confident enough to say, “Mom, Dad, it was a bad fit. It was feeling so wrong.”

And when I got home I lied and said the interview went well and they’d let me know in a day or two. God I hate lying.

But you have to understand my folks and the pressure they put on me. When I was getting ready to go my mom said, “You might be working tomorrow!” And I said, “No, I’m committed to the kids center in the afternoon, I already told him that. He understands.”

She says, “You can’t put off your real job for a volunteer job.” And I said, “Mom, they are down to only a few advocates and I already committed to do a specific case on Tuesday afternoon — it’s only one day. They will understand.”

I know they would have understood. But she has a real bend over backwards type mentality when it comes to working.

Jesus, I have a very good work ethic and I always work harder than other people simply because I’m never sure I’m good enough. I really don’t need mom telling me that I might lose my new job just by postponing starting by one day.

I said, “What if I had had to give two weeks notice? That happens too.” And she said, “Not in this job environment.”

I’m scratching my head. So, they’d respect me if I just bailed on my existing job, that is, if I had an existing job? See, this is the sort of mindset I’m dealing with.

But of course I feel like an imbecile for lying to them about this. Yet I’m glad I did it. That was simply not a good fit for me,

I wish my husband would get his fucking case money so that I can give my parent’s some money and get my mom off my back for a couple of weeks.

His attorney isn’t speaking to him or answering his emails or phone calls or mine. It’s completely unprofessional and I can guarantee you it’s because my husband pissed him off and now he’s punishing him. This is the story of life with my husband and since I had nothing to do with it, he can’t blame me for it.

The case is settled, they all agreed on a price, and then the opposing side sent a document with many stipulations, some of which made no sense. Rather than getting answers for us, his attorney is ignoring us. This is fucking amazing. All because my husband lost his cool and yelled at his 80 year old attorney who is also a hot head.

The blind leading the blind. And me stuck in the middle.

This money will never come, will it?

Anyway, I’m relieved that I don’t have that job in my future but I’m actually feeling afraid that I can handle any job. After over nine years of not working full time, I’m afraid I might not have it in me.

I’m going to start selling as much of my stuff from storage as I can. Since things have started really selling right now (I shipped four things today), I want to take advantage of that and sell more. Perhaps it’s early holiday shopping? I don’t know. But I’ve got a storage unit filled with things I’d part with just to make some dosh.

Tomorrow I’ll swim and then go to the kids center. Later in the day I’ll go to my storage and pick out things to sell.

— Later —

Well, I spoke on the phone with my husband. He is consulting with attorneys from out of the area who say that this case and how it ended is very weird. I won’t go into detail but I can assure you of this: I won’t see that money for months, maybe years, maybe never. He’s probably going to start the whole case again if he can. This “trial” thing was a shambles.

On another note, we both feel that perhaps his attorney is sick or something. He did not seem well that day. He seemed utterly overwhelmed, snippy, and nervous. He’s a trial attorney so I was a bit surprised at that and then he just caved on us and then disappeared. It’s possible he’s in the hospital or something. He works from home and has no secretary, so we have no way of knowing.

Or maybe he’s simply pissed at my husband and is making suffer. I don’t know. I’m going to do everything I can from here on out to not count on that money. But this is really sad for me because that means there’s absolutely no way for me to start my own business even on the tiniest scale.

So, I’ll sell everything I can, and I’ll apply for jobs that I think I can actually do.

I have no idea what my husband is living on. Perhaps he has another woman who is paying for him. Perhaps his parents gave him money, but that’s not likely. He has a friend with money, but he already owes him a great deal.

So, I guess that means he’s probably living off his other woman. Yay, one more reason to be depressed tonight.

I hate that I allowed him AGAIN to convince me that there would be money. That he’d make up to me in the smallest way that I lost everything I owned thanks to my association with him. This is a lesson that I am apparently supposed to learn.




2 responses to “I Canceled the Second Interview

  1. Too bad about the job. It must have felt pretty nice to at least get an interview, and be asked back for another! You’ll figure it out, the right thing will come along.

  2. I hope so, Cynthia. I feel so nervous now. xox

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