Up and down. Up and down. It’s exhausting. I spent the entire weekend, including Friday photographing things and putting them on eBay. Dozens of things — I’m exhausted. I had one sale on Saturday and no bites since. So now naturally I think the whole thing’s a joke again.
On top of that, I bought what looks like a used opium pipe at St. Vinnie’s on Friday and put it on eBay and they removed it due to their drug policy. Haha… kind of funny. Bought it at a Catholic thrift store and eBay takes it down. I should not have wasted money on it. Shit. I just thought it was decorative and novel. I doubt anyone’s ever used it. It’s probably not even real.
I have not been to the pool in a week. I hope to go tomorrow morning (Monday). I pray I go. I’m getting stiff and sore from sitting at the computer. My sleep has been bad. And now my mood is suffering.
I’ve found myself this whole weekend being resentful of my husband and wondering WHAT THE FUCK HE’S DOING. How does he get by? Who pays his electricity and food? I hate him for humiliating me this way. I want him to get the fuck out of my town. He calls me in the day, never at night. I am so naive to think he’s not with someone WHEN HE NEVER EVER CALLS ME AT NIGHT. Why? Because he’s with her.
GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL AND THEN PERHAPS YOU’LL STOP “MISSING” THAT ASSHOLE AND STOP “WANTING” HIM. HE’S FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE — BELIEVE IT. NOT ONLY THAT, SHE’S HALF YOUR AGE! GO AHEAD AND HATE HIM!
I fucking hate him. I want him to go. There’s no end to this shit, is there? FUCK.
The money from Paypal is still NOT AVAILABLE. How nice of them to hold my money for days and days and days and then CHARGE ME for the pleasure! FUCKING ASSHOLES.
And I have to ship one thing tomorrow and I don’t even have enough money to do that. Fuck me.
I just had this horrible feeling that he’s gone and left the country or at least the area. That he got the money and left me without a thing. Do I think he’s capable of that? No. But I’m fucking naive, aren’t I? I think we’ve established that.
I mean, how weird is this that you wait over a year for a trial date. It comes, there is a settlement, and then your attorney refuses to answer your calls and emails? Jesus. That doesn’t even happen in movies.
Okay. I just contacted him and we messaged for five minutes. There’s nothing up. He hasn’t skipped town. I was about to go off the deep end. He is waiting to find out if the case can be re-opened. His attorney is now in breach of contract. No idea where this is heading.
Okay. Just breathe. Things could be worse. Hang on. Tomorrow might be wonderful and filled with possibilities. Just hang on.
Mail that package somehow.
That is all I need to focus on for now.
p.s. Anyone want a free opium pipe?