Back to Bad Dreams

Am in a daze wondering if STBX got the settlement money and that’s what he used to go to London. Nothing would surprise me anymore. Shame on me for being so trusting. The con is just continuing.

I woke up sobbing at 4 a.m. this morning. I had a dream I was crying to my husband about how sad I was that I’d never make love again. I’m so sad to be back to the bad dream stage. And I can barely eat.

Went to the doctor yesterday. She’s not sure what’s going on with my sinuses and ear, but prescribed antibiotics and ear drops. I plan to get back to the pool by Saturday or Monday at the latest.

I haven’t heard from the attorney I hope to retain. I sent him an email just now to catch him up on my situation. It’ll either make him want to help me or run.

The feeling of betrayal is so enormous all over again, compounded by knowing my step daughters have probably chatted with her on FaceTime and have known she was coming and so consequently I just feel like a big fool. I’m not sure I can continue a relationship with them. They are 15 and 16 and are not capable of understanding the magnitude of my pain and I don’t want to say bad things about their father.

Daddy just tossed me aside for a younger model; someone who wasn’t broke. And that’s okay with them since I was always nervous anyway.

I want so fucking badly to move on with my life and have no contact with him, but as I told the attorney in my email just now, once I retain an attorney my husband will get very, very angry with me. He’ll accuse me of all kinds of things and feel I’m trying to fuck him over. He’ll REALLY mess with my head; that cannot be overstated.

So I have to proceed with caution. He can be very, very vindictive, and he’s convinced only he is right, he is to be trusted at all times, and how dare I not trust him. And when I ask him why I should trust him when he lies to me constantly, he says, “You don’t handle the truth very well.” As though he’s fearful about my emotional state. What B.S.!!!

Can’t write any more. Too fucking sad.

Advertisements

4 responses to “Back to Bad Dreams

  1. I think you need to take back control. FTG. Talk to a lawyer to find out how to protect yourself, and THEN file. Don’t let that jerk determine the course of your life. Better days are ahead when he is out of the picture.

    • Could not agree more, NFTBF. I had hoped the lawyer would call me today but he didn’t. I really want to know if he’s able to find out if my husband took off with the settlement money. I am looking forward to going NC, believe me. xoxoxoxoox

  2. gah! i cant even think of a word for him!!!!! i hope you get whats yours!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s