I was at the volunteer appreciation dinner last night when my husband accidentally sent a message to me that was meant for his girlfriend. Thankfully it wasn’t naughty.
He immediately called me even though I’ve told him that I don’t want to talk on the phone. I said, “You didn’t need to call me. I knew that text was not for me. I don’t care who you text.”
And then he started lying so I interrupted him again telling him I don’t need an explanation, I don’t care.
But then he said he needed to talk with me tomorrow (today) because a snag has developed in his plans to become an American citizen and sponsor his daughters.
Apparently because we stayed in the UK over the six month limit his process starts all over again because you aren’t allowed to be out of the U.S. for more than six months.
I said, “Well what are you going to do? The girls are creeping towards not being minors for much longer.” He basically said there’s nothing he can do, but that I could sponsor them.
In my shock I simply said, “I’ll help you if you’ll help me.” And we hung up.
Now of course I need more information and we’ll probably talk today, but I’m so mad that he can heap this shame on me and then need me to do something this huge for him. And he knows that I would never say no to a request that was for his daughters.
And I won’t. As long as it’s not breaking any laws I’d help the girls anyway I could.
But shit. It stings.
Part of me wants to say that I’ll do this if he tells his daughters that he is a lying piece of shit cheater. But I know he’d still spin that and it would not give me the satisfaction I am craving.
When he calls today I’m going to ask questions and hear what he has to say, but I won’t give him an answer yet. I’m going to tell him that I can’t believe that after all he’s done to me he needs me to do this for him. But let’s face it, there’s no way for me to make him see how much he’s hurt me.
And I feel so sick because he could very well end up having kids with this young woman. I feel nauseous thinking about it. But oh yeah, do this favor for me, chump.
Knowing him he’ll say if you won’t help me I won’t beg. He’s so used to disappointing his daughters what’s one more disappointment?
Many hours later.
Went to my therapy and we spoke about this latest idea of me somehow sponsoring his daughters. My therapist asked if that would postpone our divorce and I said, yes, probably by a year or so! She said I don’t owe him or his family anything and she urged me to consider not getting involved in this.
We also tried some EMDR therapy which I’ve heard a lot of good things about, especially for people with trauma/PTSD. I was really angry at my husband when I began it, but in a short while I felt, not happy, but certainly not angry.
The fact that it’s after 5pm now and he hasn’t called me to discuss this sponsorship stuff shows me it’s just one of his hair brained schemes. Something he mentioned without knowing all the facts, which is very normal for him.
I really hope he doesn’t bring it up again. I fear I will tell him to just divorce me quickly, marry his whore, who no doubt is BFFs with his daughters by now and leave me the fuck out of it. I don’t want to stoop that low, so I hope he just ignores me for a few days to let me calm down.
I can’t imagine how I could sponsor my step-daughters but he could not. It doesn’t make sense to me. I really do feel badly for them, though, especially the youngest. If there is no other way for me to help get her out of that house, I will do what I need to do.
In the last year I’ve told him a couple of times that it was time to put his daughters first for a change. But he hasn’t, obviously. I know what it’s like to get dragged along on their father’s endless schemes and ideas and never ever see anything come from them. Meanwhile, they’ve lived apart from him for a very long time now.
I’m feeling okay right now which, for me, is pretty great. I’m going to another event I’ve never been to at church tomorrow so I’m nervous/excited about that. Later this month there’s an ordination for a new assistant priest at the church and I think that sounds interesting so I’m looking forward to that as well.
I told my therapist that I wanted to take the God stuff slowly because I didn’t want to just be using it as a crutch. She said it sounds like I’m seeking an authentic experience. I hope so.
I still have a runny nose, glands hurt, and I’m coughing a lot. I bought a new pillow yesterday on the off chance that it’s an allergy to that. I bought some vitamin C today. I don’t know what to do to begin feeling better.
Between feeling like crap and being a bit freaked out about finances, I have not done a thing towards my exercise plans this week.