Life feels so beautiful to me right now. More beautiful than it’s ever seemed before. I’m a changed person — I can see it plainly. A better person than I was before.
I’ve been sick for over a week with the flu so was unable to start working last week. In the old days the old me would be freaking out about that and freaking out about starting work, but I’m not. I’m grateful and I feel ready and competent. I don’t expect to be perfect — there will be a learning curve. I’m as good as anyone for the job.
I’ve been wound way too tight for far too long. It’s been hell on me and the poor people who had to deal with me. Anytime I felt like it this week I just crawled back into bed. It’s a luxury I don’t allow myself and it felt blissful even while I coughed and hacked up phlegm. Just lying there doing nothing felt divine.
I spent $300 on a large, pro KitchenAid Mixer today — an incredible deal. I tried to talk myself out of it but I knew I deserved it. I knew it was a once in a lifetime purchase and that I’d use it for breads and pastries. Cooking delicious things is something I plan to do with my spare time, when I move out.
I found a place I’d like to rent but called the woman back and told her I was going to slow my search down. No need to rush. But I’m hoping it, or something like it will be available in a month or two when I’m ready.
For right now I’m just going to go to work at 8 a.m. and take my cold meds with me, drink plenty of fluids, and come home and climb into bed at 5 p.m. if I need to. I’ll repeat that until the cold is gone. I won’t ask anything else of myself. I didn’t even go to church today! I missed it, but knew I’d only cough throughout the entire service.
So here I find myself writing about nothing, really. And it feels so good. So relaxing. My husband had me convinced I was really a shrew and lucky that he put up with me because no one else would. Now I see that’s not true. I’m actually fairly mellow.
I was supposed to see my therapist Friday but they called to change the appointment. I told the woman I couldn’t reschedule because I would now be working full time. An hour later my therapist called me back to congratulate me. I wish I could have seen her one last time, but it’s okay. I’m ready to be done. I’m ready to be an adult woman on my own.
I put this into place by being proactive in my recovery from a terrible marriage, heartbreaking infidelity, and being ruined financially. I’m rising from the ashes and I know I will be fine.
I wish everyone could feel the peace that I am feeling this evening.