The cold rebound I had didn’t last too long and as of today I feel pretty good and didn’t miss any work this week. It was a stimulating week but by today I realize I don’t have to go in so early and don’t have to fret over it at night. I’m doing fine and everyone has my back. I’m so glad to be there.
And at the end of the day I empty the coffee and lug trash outside to the trashcans. I make sure there is toilet paper and paper towels in the bathrooms and I do it with energy and a smile. I leave my ego at home. I am not above this job.
Meanwhile I am getting better at the real work and my questions are getting more intelligent. It is a unique work environment because everyone really seems to like and respect one another which is refreshing. No cattiness and they are funny and smart.
They asked me if I would go with several of them tomorrow to a “wet lab” that the sheriff’s office conducts now and then. They want people who have already been background checked so they don’t have to take the time to do it. Then they serve them hard liquor from 11a to 5pm. Well, I don’t imagine they spend that entire time drinking. But they will serve them alcohol and test them periodically. I said yes, sure, but then I realized that I really don’t want to spend my Saturday like that! I hardly drink at all any more and it would only lead to dehydration and a headache and a wasted precious Saturday. But it was nice of them to include me.
I work with young, intelligent, and beautiful women and it’s so nice to not feel envious of them. I just enjoy them and don’t try to be one of them. They aren’t aware of it necessarily, but I’ve been gorgeous and young too. And I’ve had more lovers than they can even fathom. I’m okay watching them and getting a kick out of them. I sure wish I had been like them, and gotten an education and a career while I was young. They enjoy me and I add some diversity to the group.
I’m pretty sure I mentioned it in the last few months, but I’ve become a bit of a Bach fanatic. Something about his music, especially the big choral numbers really moves me like no music I’ve ever experienced. In my YouTube searches to find more of his music performed live, I found the church in Germany where he was music director for 30 years of his life. It’s called St. Thomas Church or Thomaskirche, in Leipzig, Germany. The St. Thomas Boys Choir has sung there for hundreds of years.
I’ve decided I’m going to go there.
I’ve investigated it a bit and decided to go to Germany at around Thanksgiving because Advent will be starting and there will be many holiday performances at the church. At the same time the Leipgiz Christmas Market is on with hundreds of vendors.
I know it will be cold and dark, but it will be beautiful. I’m going to go alone and stay in a nice hotel and go to all the events I can in about a four day period. Spend my evenings at the Christmas market, and then fly home. I’ll pad on a day or two near the front of the trip to allow for inevitable jet lag which I get really bad when I travel from West to East.
There are other places I’d really like to visit including Ireland, but I’ll keep this visit short and just go to Leipzig. It’ll be my first experience traveling internationally alone and I want it to be a simple one.
I feel so fortunate that I have the ability to go, especially after the financial hardships of the last year and a half. I hocked all but one gold ring, one pair of gold earrings, and one gold necklace.
I’ve got my eye on a townhouse style apartment that is more per month than I’d like to spend, but that’s the reality of renting in a college town. It’s possible that I will be moving in the next several weeks. I want to and I don’t want to at the same time.
But one thing is for sure, I will get more sleep there. My mother is the most inconsiderate human being when it comes to allowing other people to sleep. She doesn’t get enough sleep herself, due to her constant worrying, but when she’s up she seems to deliberately make noise. Dad sleeps through it, thankfully, but I don’t. Her stomping her feet on a hardwood floor, her putting dishes away at 5:00 in the mooring. Shutting the bathroom door loud. Taking the dogs out loud. Doing everything loud. I have no idea why she’s that way.
When I get up I trod quietly and I whisper because I want my dad to have his sleep for his health, but she talks loud and doesn’t even get my hint. She’ll encourage the dogs to go in and out of his room and talk to them while he’s laying there sleeping. I don’t know what’s wrong with my mom, but she’s a real piece of work.
I am looking forward to a bit more sleep, that’s for sure.
I do think about my soon to be ex quite a bit, but not for long, and not with very much emotion. I guess when I think of him now I am still befuddled but I am also filled with disgust tinged with some embarrassment that I ever had anything to do with him. Oh yes, there’s some anger too. But I don’t waste much time dwelling on him. He just comes in and out of my mind.
We haven’t communicated in anyway since my email and that’s fine with me.
As soon as I have a place rented, I’ll collect my furniture from him, then move, and then divorce him.
I feel a mellow happiness that is so much more wonderful than the manic phony happiness that I often felt with him when he’d talk about his get rich schemes. He may like to feel that way, but I much prefer feeling this way — as though I almost have a Mona Lisa smile on my face.
I’m going to spend these months learning some conversational German just for fun, although I imagine most Germans speak pretty good English. That’s how it was when my daughter and I went to Amsterdam years ago. But everyone appreciates when you give their language a try.
I’m going to Leipgiz, Germany to hear Johann Sebastian Bach’s music performed at the place he composed it — how incredible.