Please pardon me, I’ve taken a large valium that my dentist gave me. No, I didn’t go to the dentist, but I have had several disturbing conversations with my ex-husband today.
We each have a lawsuit. We agreed two years ago that I’d get half of his lawsuit and he’d get half of mine. His lawsuit is worth more than twice as much as mine, but it was a marital asset and, since he screwed me out of every penny I had, and my home, I felt entitled to half of it and he agreed.
We have one attorney representing us both, and before I started the divorce process I checked with the attorney about whether to go ahead with it or not, and he said it’s not ideal, but shouldn’t make a big difference.
But today the attorney emailed us both to say that the papers he’s looking at from our old attorney has discrepancies as far as how the proceeds are to be distributed. This was news to me.
He said he’d like us to write to him about the distribution separately. If we’re in agreement he can continue to represent us both. If we are not in agreement he can only represent one of us. (It would be my husband, since his case is larger and he approached the attorney first.).
So when I read his email I knew this was my opportunity to find out if my ex-husband planned to keep his word or not.
Short story: he doesn’t.
This will not come as a surprise to worldly, less gullible people, but it did shock me. I honestly thought the man had some integrity. Why am I so dumb to have thought that after all he’s done to me.
Because we had to be in complete agreement, when I went to get our divorce I did not include that we have any claims that we plan to share with one another So on paper he doesn’t owe me anything.
So my ex asked me to call him and I did. Almost immediately it was clear that he wants to change our agreement. I did not even listen to what he would like to propose. I am done playing by his rules. I told him it’s our agreement, 50/50 — nothing whatsoever to discuss.
I spoke about integrity, one’s word, and honor, but he doesn’t give a shit about any of that.
He wants me to take less of his proceeds.
I told him I was done helping him fuck me over and I would not accept anything less than 50%, as agreed upon. He said it’s in my “best interest” to call him. I said it was in his best interest to honor his agreement.
He tried blaming me by saying I was the unreasonable one because he gave me “the chance to talk about it” but I refused. I said, again, nothing to talk about. We have an agreement.
It went back and forth and finally I said, “You have until 9 a.m. tomorrow morning to honor your word and write to our attorney and tell him the agreement still stands at 50/50. If you do not, I cannot undo what I will do.”
He wrote, “Go ahead. Good luck.”
I wrote, “You too.”
He wrote, “I never respond to a threat. I will sue you.”
I wrote: “LOL”
He wrote, “Do it all and I will sue you. Bye.”
I wrote: “That’s what you do for a living!”
He wrote: “Do not message me again.”
I wrote: “Block me.” And then I added, “9:00 a.m.. All you have to do is have some integrity. It’s easy.”
And that was that.
So, folks, although there may be $20,000 to $30,000 at stake here, I am done allowing him to manipulate me and fuck me over.
I have plans, many of them, which may (I hope) make his life very uncomfortable. It’s a little like War of the Roses where neither of us will end up with anything, but I don’t care.
He is justifying giving me less of what he promised for the simple reason that he has no money and I do. Because he cannot work for a living, and I have stepped up to do so even though it’s been extremely hard for me. For that reason, he thinks he does not have to honor our agreement.
Fuck him. And fuck the money. For two years I’ve not rocked the boat. I’ve not talked bad about him. I’ve played games so that we can look like we separated amiably when we didn’t — ALL FOR MONEY. Those days are over. My integrity finally means more to me than the money.
I don’t have a legal leg to stand on because I did not include the lawsuits in our divorce. It was a chance I took and I don’t really regret it. In some ways it’s fascinating to see how selfish and dishonorable he can really be all over again. I thought there was a limit to his evil, but I was wrong about that.
He’s nothing but a cold hearted narcissist, and he’s desperate, too. I don’t think I’ll hear from him before tomorrow at 9 a.m. because he really is that stubborn, but I won’t blink.
I have a plan that I will take in stages. If he does not come around, he will regret not keeping his word.
That is all.
p.s. Thank you God for inventing valium.