War of the Roses

Please pardon me, I’ve taken a large valium that my dentist gave me. No, I didn’t go to the dentist, but I have had several disturbing conversations with my ex-husband today.

We each have a lawsuit. We agreed two years ago that I’d get half of his lawsuit and he’d get half of mine. His lawsuit is worth more than twice as much as mine, but it was a marital asset and, since he screwed me out of every penny I had, and my home, I felt entitled to half of it and he agreed.

We have one attorney representing us both, and before I started the divorce process I checked with the attorney about whether to go ahead with it or not, and he said it’s not ideal, but shouldn’t make a big difference.

But today the attorney emailed us both to say that the papers he’s looking at from our old attorney has discrepancies as far as how the proceeds are to be distributed. This was news to me.

He said he’d like us to write to him about the distribution separately. If we’re in agreement he can continue to represent us both. If we are not in agreement he can only represent one of us. (It would be my husband, since his case is larger and he approached the attorney first.).

So when I read his email I knew this was my opportunity to find out if my ex-husband planned to keep his word or not.

Short story: he doesn’t.

This will not come as a surprise to worldly, less gullible people, but it did shock me. I honestly thought the man had some integrity. Why am I so dumb to have thought that after all he’s done to me.

Because we had to be in complete agreement, when I went to get our divorce I did not include that we have any claims that we plan to share with one another So on paper he doesn’t owe me anything.

So my ex asked me to call him and I did. Almost immediately it was clear that he wants to change our agreement. I did not even listen to what he would like to propose. I am done playing by his rules. I told him it’s our agreement, 50/50 — nothing whatsoever to discuss.

I spoke about integrity, one’s word, and honor, but he doesn’t give a shit about any of that.

He wants me to take less of his proceeds.

I told him I was done helping him fuck me over and I would not accept anything less than 50%, as agreed upon. He said it’s in my “best interest” to call him. I said it was in his best interest to honor his agreement.

He tried blaming me by saying I was the unreasonable one because he gave me “the chance to talk about it” but I refused. I said, again, nothing to talk about. We have an agreement.

It went back and forth and finally I said, “You have until 9 a.m. tomorrow morning to honor your word and write to our attorney and tell him the agreement still stands at 50/50. If you do not, I cannot undo what I will do.”

He wrote, “Go ahead. Good luck.”

I wrote, “You too.”

He wrote, “I never respond to a threat. I will sue you.”

I wrote: “LOL”

He wrote, “Do it all and I will sue you. Bye.”

I wrote: “That’s what you do for a living!”

He wrote: “Do not message me again.”

I wrote: “Block me.”  And then I added, “9:00 a.m.. All you have to do is have some integrity. It’s easy.”

And that was that.

So, folks, although there may be $20,000 to $30,000 at stake here, I am done allowing him to manipulate me and fuck me over.

I have plans, many of them, which may (I hope) make his life very uncomfortable. It’s a little like War of the Roses where neither of us will end up with anything, but I don’t care.

He is justifying giving me less of what he promised for the simple reason that he has no money and I do. Because he cannot work for a living, and I have stepped up to do so even though it’s been extremely hard for me. For that reason, he thinks he does not have to honor our agreement.

Fuck him. And fuck the money. For two years I’ve not rocked the boat. I’ve not talked bad about him. I’ve played games so that we can look like we separated amiably when we didn’t — ALL FOR MONEY. Those days are over. My integrity finally means more to me than the money.

I don’t have a legal leg to stand on because I did not include the lawsuits in our divorce. It was a chance I took and I don’t really regret it. In some ways it’s fascinating to see how selfish and dishonorable he can really be all over again. I thought there was a limit to his evil, but I was wrong about that.

He’s nothing but a cold hearted narcissist, and he’s desperate, too. I don’t think I’ll hear from him before tomorrow at 9 a.m. because he really is that stubborn, but I won’t blink.

I have a plan that I will take in stages. If he does not come around, he will regret not keeping his word.

That is all.

p.s. Thank you God for inventing valium.


4 responses to “War of the Roses

  1. ML,
    I hope you are feeling better having had all the dental work done. Who knows maybe it will improve your sinus issues…
    Little Napoleon is an utter fucking asshole.
    I know that you have referred to this side deal arrangement multiple times on this blog and possibly the blog we frequent.
    When you have time, please go back through and look for references to the law suit and your verbal agreement to split his proceeds 50/50.
    Do you have any e-mails between you and asshole discussing the lawsuit and how the proceeds would be divided? Please check for this.
    I think you also mentioned that you had a first attorney involved in this as well (if the first attorney is not dead, please try to contact him and get any documentation you can, failing that if he was in a practice see if you can get any references to the split from the closed file. If the old attorney worked alone, his family may still have his notes to refer to…
    Try to get this information for ammunition should you need it.
    Now on the first settlement that the two of you split, was that settlement worked through your current attorney? If the first suit was 50/50 why wouldn’t subsequent settlements be the same if they were all filed based on the same discrimination?
    Depending on the documentation, you may have a leg to stand on in a civil suit.
    OOOOOH and I am all worked up… HE is going to sue you? Over what?
    Look, I know you can manage without the money, but your new life would be a little more comfortable with that settlement.
    He is an asshole… lying money grabbing sack of shit.
    I think I know what your DEFCON options are should he not play nice.
    Again, I am at a loss for words, except the truck driver type!
    You have nice family time and then any contact with LN brings more agony.

    I am leaving to camp in Maine until the end of the month, so feel free to text me or call if you need to scream about this once your Valium wears off.
    I am not sure how much internet connection I will have until the end of the month. If I decide to buy myself coffee, I am certain that I will be able to jump on line there, but it will be sporadic.

    Sorry that he is the way he is…
    Sending you positive healing thoughts,

  2. My dear ENM, thank you. I did calm down more after I wrote that and this morning. I’ve written him an email that I am sending to him right at 9 a.m. stating that if he changes our agreement in any way, I will obtain an attorney this week to fight for my half, which will tie up his money. I also said if it came down to that, I’d request more than 50% and I’d request from the judge that he pay my attorney’s fees. In short, I told him that leaving things the way they are, with a 50/50 division, will be his best case scenario, time-wise, and money-wise. When he’s in a state like this, however, (that he’d rather lose everything if he does not get his way) he may or may not see the reason behind it. But it is what I will do and I feel good about that decision. You’re right, that money will absolutely be life-saving to me.

    I hope that you have an amazing time in Maine. I hope you fill an art journal with gorgeous drawings to remember for a lifetime. I’m so very glad that you’re getting this good, long break from FOO. I thank you for your support. Your friendship means everything to me. Hope we are able to keep in touch while you’re there!

    Many xox.

  3. You are a totally different person than when you started this blog, in a good way! Amazing way! Congratulations for looking in the drawer, finding and dusting off the backbone. You are doing amazing things with it back where it should be.

  4. LOL, thanks, Alex. I never have had a backbone so I’m discovering it for the first time. I was talking to a friend (yes, a friend!) after church today and said I was finding peace in being assertive with him and that I felt “slightly mighty” about it. So for now that’s good enough. After all, why on earth should I feel bad when I only want justice, fairness, and for him to keep his word. Thanks for your words of encouragement. xox

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