I Made Him Keep His Word

As you know, on Friday I got that call from my ex-husband at lunchtime telling me that our agreement to split the proceeds of two lawsuits we have 50/50 needed to be re-thought. I never even gave him a chance to tell me what percentage he felt entitled to, I just got angry and hung up on him after he expressed that it had to be re-thought because he “has too many expenses.”

He has too many expenses after he bankrupted me? He has too many expenses because he can’t get hired anywhere doing anything? He has too many expenses because he is trying to sponsor his children and his own immigration. He has too many expenses because he’s being evicted, bought a BMW, wears expensive suits, took his affair partner to the ballet?

He honestly feels (and this surprises the shit out of me given that he really is an intelligent man), that because I am working full time, my life is now fine, and therefore I deserve less than the 50/50 we agreed upon in dozens of texts, emails, and a notarized document.

I feel sorry for him.

So at first I considered playing dirty, but quickly realized I can’t do that. I could not live with myself if I did that, so I stated the facts in that email to him that stated roughly:

If you go back on your word I will take you to court. I will tie up the money. I will sue you for more than 50% and I will request that you pay my attorney’s fees for putting me in this position.

Then I sent our attorney an email stating we have never wavered and have always agreed on 50/50 and I copied my ex-husband on that email.

Then I held my breath.

It’s been hard wondering what he’ll do and what he’s thinking. I even emailed him yesterday and wrote, “So, what have you decided to do?” But he didn’t reply. That’s the first time in almost two years of separating and fighting and bickering that he did not respond. He’s that pissed. His silence worried me.

I didn’t hear from the attorney on Monday and I began to fear that might mean that my ex told him we do not agree and then the attorney would drop me as a client and I’d be forced to find my own attorney and begin the battle.

On the way home from work today I chanted to myself, “Let it go. But fight it.” “Let it go. But fight it.” And it was calming me. I don’t do well when situations are uncertain — I need to know.

Then I’m at the drug store waiting for a prescription and check my email for the tenth time today and lo and behold there’s an email from our attorney’s legal assistant showing the demand letter she sent on our behalf.

You know what that means?

That means he had to have told the attorney that we do agree on the 50/50. Otherwise the attorney would not have gone forward with a demand letter that included my name.

So, no matter what the outcome of these lawsuits, I’ve won. And it’s both sad and ironic to me that he will now hate me for eternity for the fact that I forced him to keep his word. He will never, ever understand that he ruined me financially and that at 58 I have a long struggle ahead of me to survive alone in this world.

I don’t know how long the process will take, but I’m thinking a good six months, probably longer. If it’s sooner than that I’ll be delighted.

A week ago I contacted another mortgage broker to find out if I could qualify for a home loan. The last company dragged me along for over two months with no answers so I gave up on them. This lady told me she’d tell me in three days, and she did.

She said my credit rating is surprisingly high given the bankruptcy and whatever I’m doing to increase that rating to keep doing it. She said, however, that I simply need my bankruptcy to be two years old before I can qualify for a loan. I took the news well because if I jumped into home ownership right now, I know I’d regret it.

She said come next spring we can get our ducks in a row find a place and close after the date in June of next year. In the past I would have felt deflated and felt that a year is an eternity, but now that I’m working I’m pretty comfortable here and mom and I aren’t really getting on one another’s nerves and I figured I could handle it if my parents could.

First I spoke to my dad alone because I knew he’d be more honest than mom would. I told him to tell me if mom “wants her house back.” He said as far as he’s concerned I don’t have to move anytime, but that he’d feel her out on the subject the next time they were alone.

The next day my mom told me I was more than welcome to stay and I could tell she meant it. So yes, I’d love to be decorating and baking and making my own home, but I can wait the ten or so months — time goes by so fast anymore.

Any money from this settlement will help me with my deposit and the furniture I will need. Right now every spare penny is going to my dentist to fix a lot of things that are wrong in my mouth. I’m just so grateful I have the luxury to pay for it and have it done.

Today a woman at work, asked if she could go to church with me some Sunday and I said, “Of course! I never miss it unless I’m sick!” And it just feels so wonderful and NORMAL to be forming relationships with people I like and relate to. She’s a liberal Catholic. I think she’d like the Episcopalian church a lot but the impressive part is that she’s curious to see what it’s like.

Work is a challenge, I admit it. I’m good at it, but sometimes I find myself having to concentrate really hard, other times I’m really speedy. Maybe that’s normal for anyone, I don’t know. But I can tell they are happy with me. I’d like to make more money and I’d like to get off the front desk, but for now I’m not really willing to make that change.

The timing just doesn’t seem right.

I’m so tired and so happy.

I made him keep his word.

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6 responses to “I Made Him Keep His Word

  1. You! You go girl! Stella gettin her groove back! Your daughter would be so proud to know her momma stood up for herself like that. Your momma should be proud to have a daughter who is taking care of herself. You are mighty. You just proved- you’re more powerful than him. You won. You won! Good job. Never give up.

  2. Thank you, Alex! (I have to admit it feels good to feel mighty).

  3. ML,
    Good for you!
    I know you have it in you to stand up to him and make him honor the law suit commitment. I know how good it feels on my end to refuse to eat the shit sandwiches anymore, you must feel awesome on your journey to meh! 🙂

    • It feels so great, ENM. I’m not even bothered by the fact that he no doubt thinks I’m greedy and selfish for making him keep his word.

      Thanks for your kind words.

      xox

  4. Sadly, he is sub par as a human being…
    What he thinks of you doesn’t mean a thing.
    I think you are an amazingly strong woman re making her life on her own terms.
    Keep going Moving Liquid! 🙂

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