Today is the first day of the rest of my life. What an overused expression. But we humans are constantly having to get up, brush ourselves off, and start all over again and that’s why it’s overused — because it’s true.
I just watched Stephen Colbert interview VP Joe Biden and both those men have so much in common with their Irish Catholic sensibilities and the way they’ve withstood tragedy in their lives and kept on living and doing their respective jobs and just being decent human beings.
How we respond to the lows in our lives really does define us and, until recently, I responded to lows by caving in, losing control, taking risks, making wrong choices, self harm, overeating, and taking a lot of pharmaceutical prescriptions that did not make me feel better.
I find it fascinating that what shocked me out of a lifetime of reacting badly was my narcissistic ex-husband using up every penny I had and then abandoning me for a woman less than half my age. It’s almost funny when I think about it now.
Here I am, almost two years later, at age 58. I have a decent job with really compassionate co-workers. I still think about him every day for a brief moment or two, but I’m no longer compelled to text him to ask him a stupid question. I often lean more towards thinking he’s a lowlife scum than any feeling of wistfulness or longing and I still really hope he’ll leave my town eventually.
I’m planning to buy a home next summer. I had to wait because I had to declare bankruptcy and it needs to be two years old before I can get a home loan. In the meantime I’m getting my dental health in order and saving as much as I’m able to.
I’ve realized that even if I am lucky and find a clean, small home in move in condition that I will be house poor and that I either need to find another job, or create more income on my own. It’s probably going to be the latter for me.
I’ve also realized that, at 58, I have exactly no time left to prepare for my retirement — another good reason to find a supplemental source of income. I don’t mind because having my own business is something I’ve longed for my entire life and as soon as I can focus on what I can do on nights and weekends to bring in a few hundred extra bucks a month, I think it’ll be exciting. Fun, even.
I think it’s important that it’s something I love, so that it doesn’t feel like work.
I’d like to wait until I move into my own home to start this up because I need the room, but unfortunately I think I need to start doing what I can now, to be able to show more income. Hopefully there will be some income!
But these days what I am realizing first and foremost is that I must get my health back under control. I weighed 270 when hubby dumped me and within a year I was at 199. I never got any lower than that because I began to heal from the pain of infidelity and then my old habits of comfort and anxiety eating took over again.
I imagine I’ve gained half that weight back, at the minimum. And as I gain I am getting more and more gimpy, by that I mean my knee hurts, my feet hurt, my back hurts, and I had almost none of that when I was swimming every day and lighter on my feet. I’m tall, so even at 199 I felt terrific and was buying clothes in “normal” shops for a change.
I’m taking today off and seeing my doctor in a couple of hours just for a general check up since it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen her. I’m also going to buy a Fitbit (a fancy pedometer) and I’m going to commit to better health.
The bottom line is that I have to be in better health because:
I’ll feel better
I’ll enjoy looking better
I can work longer
I’ll attract the sort of man I’d like to have in my life
But mainly, to be able to work longer. I can’t afford to walk around in my current “diabesity” state and expect to work to 65 and beyond. It’s not reasonable. It won’t happen. I won’t last.
So, today when I’m at the doctor I’ll find out just exactly how much I have gained and start all over again. I’ll delete my Pinterest “Sweets” category because sugar is not my friend. I’m going to take this in stages starting with sugar since it’s my greatest weakness.
I will figure out what to eat, but to be honest, I’d rather spend time focusing on physical activities, work, and how to make more money, than obsess over what I am going to eat. At my age I already know what’s good for me and not good for me. I’ll figure out a simple plan and do everything I can to stick with it.
I’ve also heard you can link My Fitness Pal to Fitbit and if I can figure that out, I might attempt that — we’ll see. I don’t want to spend all my free time thinking about FOOD. I’d rather just be busy.
The first thing I did today was stumble to the kitchen and get my coffee with 2.5 teaspoons of sugar in it, so I had to forgive myself right off the bat because I simply forgot that today was the first day of the rest of my life. Doh!
My goals are modest: to get under 200, to be active every day, to improve the amount of sleep I get, to love myself enough to commit to good health.