It’s 6:20 a.m. and I only have ten minutes before I need to get into the shower and get ready for work.
On Wednesday at this time I was at my place of employment acting as advocate for a young boy whose mother was killed in a murder suicide.
I can’t say any more than that due to the restrictions of my job. All I can say is I keep reliving that morning and thinking about what I heard and what I read about the tragedy.
Now I can barely concentrate at work and I can barely sleep. I’m exhausted.
I don’t want them to know how badly this has affected me because I don’t want them to be afraid to give me these types of important cases.
I know time will ease the memories and the hauntings, but I wish I knew what to do to move it along. It really leaves one in a state of shock. And I’m worried about all the people I love and want to protect them. I’m worried about myself.
I would not want to die that way.
Not sure what to do but I think I’ll call my therapist whom I rarely see these days and try to get in to see her next week, at the end of the day, so that I can tell her all about it and sob my heart out. I can’t think of a better way.
I awoke very, very early today with bad dreams and tried to recite the Lord’s Prayer but kept forgetting it and starting over. I’m thinking of taking a day off, but I want it to be a day of healing, not just a day of wandering.
I’d appreciate any suggestions you have on dealing with trauma of this sort.