Parents Ask Me to Take Over Their Loan

I came home today from shopping and my mom said, “When you have a minute, your dad and I have something we need to talk to you about.”

I said, “I hate conversations that start that way! I don’t want to!”

Dad said, “No, it’s good.”

Mom said, “Sit down.”

I said, “No, I don’t want to have a conversation that requires me to sit down!”

You get the gist.

The bottom line was, with my dad’s ill heath and my folks tight finances my mom’s been losing sleep about what will happen when one of them goes.

She said, if it’s her first, dad won’t know what to do, but if it’s him first, she could manage things due to her background (knowledge of real estate and loans, etc.)

But the bottom line is that when one of them goes, the other cannot afford the house they are in. (We are in). So she asked if I would assume their VA loan so that the house is mine, and then they’d pay me rent.

They have very little equity in the house (under 10k) so they’d somehow divide that up between my brother, sister, and I, and then transfer the loan to me.

I told them that I had been thinking sort of along those lines except figured I’d get my own home and end up with one of them living with me. In this version there won’t be as much of a financial sting. I won’t have to put up all my savings, for example.

I don’t love this house, but it’ll have to do. I think it’s a win win for both of us. In the end I’ll invest my money and maybe when I’m on my own decide to buy a home of my choosing, but for now, it only makes sense.

We can’t do anything now anyway because I won’t qualify for a loan until next June, and I’m hoping I do qualify for their loan amount. It’ll be tight. The amount they’ve offered for rent isn’t very much so I do hope they’ll kick in for some utilities! But we’ll cross that bridge later on.

Apparently she spoke to my brother about it yesterday and got his support. We’re all a little nervous about how my sister will take it. We’ll cross that bridge later, too.

I probably would have ended up in this town anyway, as the neighboring town where I have lived before is a little too expensive.

I told them that I never would have abandoned them anyway and they said they knew that.

So this is weird, and something we’ll talk more about in the coming months.

For over two years I’ve confined myself to a tiny bedroom and left no mark on the rest of the house. If this goes through I’ll take over the front living room and make it my own. In time we’ll work on changing the kitchen so that it suits both of us. I’ve got so much stuff in storage and they’ve got a house full of furniture. This will be a slow process.

I guess I’m happy about it. I don’t really know. The good part is that I won’t have to lose every penny of my savings to get into a home. The bad part is it still won’t feel like my home, but I suppose that can change with time.

I think, given the situation with my parents, and their lack of equity and savings, that this is all I can do. It’s not a sure thing anyway — It’s slightly more house than I would have tried to buy on my own. I would not really be able to afford it if they weren’t helping with rent.

On the rare days when I do talk to my sister she says, “I don’t know how you do it. I would have killed one of them by now.” And she’s right, it’s not easy living with two people who bicker A LOT. But since I began to work full time I haven’t let them bug me as much.

But this move will mean I am truly “stuck” with them.

I still don’t know how I feel about it all, but it can’t happen until next June at the earliest anyway.

I’ve got a lot of pressure on me at work. A heavy work load and a brand new data base which I begin to use tomorrow. I didn’t take the job they asked me about, and the new employee who took it starts tomorrow. I don’t regret it, but I feel weird about it.

I’ve been ill for about a month and still have the dregs of it. I go to bed every night at 9pm, so I don’t know what else to do! Missed church services two Sundays in a row — I just recalled the audio for the sermons is on line, so maybe I’ll go have a listen to them now.



4 responses to “Parents Ask Me to Take Over Their Loan

  1. Wow! That’s some big changes. Makes things more
    Secure? Kind of? And makes
    You worry less about them… Please take care of you

  2. ML, I am happy to see your post! I hope you and dad are feeling better.
    The news about assuming the home is very interesting. Please be sure to utilize an elder law attorney for this transaction so that there are not any recapture penalties for any equity in the home once it is yours. I am not trying to alarm you, but a small amount of money spent on legal advice will give you peace of mind and security in the future. My mom did not plan well for her older years and we really did not think she was healthy enough to outlast the seasoning of equity to preserve it… she is still alive thankfully. What I have done here is faithfully pay the mortgages from my accounts so that in the event of my mothers death, I will not be hit with a bill to pay for mom’s medicaid services out of the equity in this home. Every state has different rules, so please invest in a little professional advice.
    In any case, starting to take rent from your parents into your account and paying the mortgage under funds from your name is a good start for protection of the home and equity should you decide this is what you want to do…
    There is some seasoning to this process (if it is valid in OR), so funneling money in that manner could be a huge benefit to you.
    Please feel free to pick my brain later… I should be back to normal in a couple of days. Being a witness in a rape trial has really fried my grey matter for the time being.
    As always, I wish you nothing but the best in making your life what you want it to be!

    • ENM, I don’t know how you’ve managed to be a caregiver for so long. I’m having chest pains. Work is stressful and then I come right home with food or go shopping or picking up prescriptions. Dad’s had two trips to the ER with extreme rapid heartbeat — these are trying times.

      Mom is researching all this house stuff and has found out that it may be better to put me on the deed because I can only assume the loan if they move out. So she’s seeing a tax woman and will also be meeting with a real estate attorney, because they don’t want me to be hit with surprises when they’re gone. So it’s an evolving situation.

      I can only imagine the stress of a rape trial and can see how the experience would fry your grey cells among other things.

      SELF CARE.

      It’s two words and we know what they mean, but we don’t do them! I’ve got a find a way to have just a little bit of ME time. I’m worn out.

      xox Let’s try to touch base this weekend.

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