Dad Better. Job Hard. Cheating Ex Wants to Have a Drink.

Hard to take time to write here — I wish I could more often.

Dad is improving. It’s a matter of balancing medicines. He saw his GP today who is taking charge of the meds and made things clear to them. When it’s a blood pressure issue it’s not just a simple, “take one of these and two of these.”

They feel good about the visit so I feel good about it, too.

Dad walked to the mailbox yesterday and today, quite an outing for him. He’s aware that he’s quite behind in his knee surgery recovery because of his heart/lung complications, but his mood seems good. His color is a little better. I’m just praying we have more time and I’m grateful for every day he’s with us.


Work is extremely hard. I’m the only one fussing with a brand new database, and my workload is huge. I wear more hats than anyone else does there, have a heavier workload, more stress, and get paid the least. When I calm down enough to do it right, I’m going to sit down with my supervisor.

If things don’t change I will look for another job, but that would be so sad. This place and the people there mean a lot to me. But I feel taken advantage of. The reality is, however, at my age it’s almost impossible to get a job, and I want one that pays more. My odds aren’t great. As of April of this year I will have been in the position for a year. I think it looks better that I stay on the job at least that long.

But I hope I don’t have to leave.


On another note, I’ve had several months of not thinking of the cheating ex very often at all. But once he talked to me about the pending lawsuit last week, he began to want to chat.

Two nights ago he called and started the conversation, “Well, you’ve probably been waiting for an apology.”

I interrupted. “On no. I’m not. I’m good.”

Then nothing from him, so I said, “Was that it? Was that the apology?”

I don’t even know what he said then, but there wasn’t anything more on that subject.

He talked about the lawsuit but it was clear he wanted to be charming and chatty. He asked me if I drink I said, “Not really.”


“I just don’t.”

“Well, you should come have a drink with me.”

“Ah, no. That’s not going to happen.”

“Why not? We had seven years together. You don’t need to be bitter or resentful.”

“Oh, I’m not. I’ve done the work. I’m good.”

“Well, then come have a drink with me.”

We changed the subject and he began to talk about the history of the English language which is one of my favorite subjects. Since I’m starved for that sort of conversation I let a few sentences escape from my mouth and then I forced myself to stop.

I said, “Listen, you’ve always been a great conversationalist, and if you weren’t a former husband of mine, I’d have this conversation with you, but I don’t want to do this.”

“Why? Don’t be that way.”

I said, “Because you’re not worthy of my time and attention.”

He laughed it off and made me say I’d meet him for a drink sometime — otherwise I could not get him off the phone. I will never meet him for a drink, don’t worry. NEVER. EVER.

Last night, the next night, he actually had important information to convey about the lawsuit. I kept my tone utterly professional and was very brief with him and hung up when the info was relayed. If we have to talk — it’ll be that way.

But just having recent contact with him is fucking with my head. Not in a way that makes me want him, but just sad (again) for those few things that were pretty awesome about him. He can talk about anything.

The only real thing he said, which made me feel sad for him because I think it was genuine. I said, “How are the girls?”

There was a pause and he said, “ML, I don’t. I just don’t know. Everything is messed up.” I didn’t inquire further.

I don’t know if his whore has gone or just change shifts, probably the latter, but he just wanted to talk to someone, anyone. I’m not that cheap.

When I was married to him he’d get so antsy to talk with someone he’d call almost anyone to talk. He could not stop himself. He could not just be comfortable on his own, in his own skin. I’ve never known a man in my lifetime who could talk as much in person or on the phone.

And except for when he was on a paranoid rant or talking about conspiracies, he could be very interesting. In our early years when I had could not sleep I’d ask him to talk to me until I slept and he would do it. He could be so generous that way.

It’s a shame he could not have been good more often.

I have to have limited contact now, but when the case is over I plan to never speak to him again.

But NO CONTACT is the way to go for healing, peeps. In fact, it’s the only way to go.


The house thing isn’t as simple as mom thought. Turns out I can’t assume their loan unless they move out. So she’s looking into ways where I get put on the deed. We’re going to consult some tax folks and real estate/estate law attorneys. Nobody wants me getting a big surprise when they’re both gone.

I’m sad when I think that this was an odd way to ensure that I’d always be here to take care of my mother, but I would have done it anyway. I’m just going to find a way to make the best of it.

Now that dad is recovering perhaps I can work on the “Gain a Life” part. I haven’t done anything just for me since my trip to Portland last month. I’ve got to get exercising and involved in outside activities.

There are many things I’m interested in, I just feel so tired in the winter and have been so sick. I’ll have to take some baby steps.

Thanks for being here.


Oh, here’s the first of a series about the history of the English language! One of my favorites.


4 responses to “Dad Better. Job Hard. Cheating Ex Wants to Have a Drink.

  1. Don’t forget – he is a great conversationalist, and then takes his pants off with other people. I love your response- -no I’ve done that work…

  2. What a weasel… Hope you can figure out the house thing. I’m sure it’s complicated with all the laws of tax, inheritance blah blah blah, but hopefully there’s a solution that benefits everyone! Just remember that the more you do at work, the more valuable you are to your employer or any future employer 🙂

  3. Also… Knowing how much you do… It’s quite likely you could inflate your salary expectations to the next potential job. I got myself a 50% higher paying job by telling new employees what I should have been getting, versus what they were actually paying me.

  4. ML, I am so glad that your dad is doing better. The BP issue is huge. My mom has astronomical BP when she goes to the doctor, they over medicate the labile situation and then at home, she is dizzy. It is so much work… oh, I know. Can you get your dad taking his BP during the day so that the doctor has a better idea on how to treat. I bought a BP cuff that even logs time and readings. It was super helpful. My mom had seizures secondary to a DVT that broke loose and irritated her brain blood vessels (thank god it did not get stuck and cause a stroke) after her knee replacement. The medical piece for the seizures and then being diagnosed with Parkinson’s… it has been a real long ELEVEN years with mom.
    All I can say at this point is that autism and Parkinson’s together is a very bad combination. Mom is making me nuts and I am wishing the niece will get help at a special boarding school because I am losing my shit here.

    Very good on you not planning to have a drink with LN! His behavior is predictable and pedestrian. Yes you have already done the work even though he has good conversation skills you do not need the rest of the baggage. I feel like I am in a similar boat. Living her is like being in a vacuum, no intellectual stimulation at all. I miss some things about being married (OK lots) but I do not miss the abuse the wasband dished out…
    Just keep doing your thing, like I am doing here. There is meaning in life (or so they say). At the right time, the Universe will give you just what you need, you just need to be open to it.
    So in the mean time, keep up the good job at work, take care of mom and dad as best as you can, get some good legal advice for transitioning the property into your name. You can do it, you are doing it! You are so much stronger than you realize!
    All the peace and love in the Universe to you my friend!

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