Modern Man — A Narcissistic, Porn-Addicted Misfit

A friend of mine put this quote from self-described narcissist and narcissist expert Sam Vaknin on Facebook and it blew my mind:

Modern Man is a narcissistic, porn-addicted misfit. Women have banished men from their lives: they raise their children alone; they educate their offspring on their own (90% of teachers are female); they are way more accomplished academically and they are breaching all the remaining glass ceilings forcefully. Men are on the retreat, hiding in cyber caves, self-medicating perilously, assiduously avoiding the dual threats of intimacy and sex with women, their newfound nemesis. It is War and all sides are losing it.

My God, I know that not all men can be described that way, but many modern men (and more than a few women) can.

So it prompts me to ask, what the hell’s going on and how can we survive this?

Men (and some women) are throwing away years of marriage, fidelity, children, homes, other resources, sometimes including jobs, for what? A few orgasms and having their ego stroked. In order to behave as though they have no responsibilities again. And yes, I know this has been going on for a long time but it seems so much more prevalent now!

Yet, what responsibilities did they have? Did they do all the shopping? The cooking? The laundry? The cleaning? While couples are getting better at dividing housework, generally it’s still quite uneven. Did they read stories to the kids, bathe them, tuck them in, go to meetings with teachers?  Do they do these things day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year? Women do this AND hold down full time work.

Generally, they do not. In general they feel ENTITLED to a break from their job (which pays them more) and we think they deserve it. It may be that they really do deserve it. BUT we deserve it too, goddammit. Why is it so easy to put ourselves last?

I cannot fathom how they can be so short sighted. I can’t wrap my head around how a grown ass person can think this way and I fear that it is becoming more common.

Grown men who think they are babysitting and doing their wives a favor while looking after their own children. Grown men who act like children by feeling deserving of time off from family to socialize and drink with others, have solo vacations, play video games, or go to sporting events. And so much porn that an ordinary woman could never get him excited again.

Given their nature, how did men end up in charge of everything? How is it that they are responsible for business, government, law enforcement, when they can be weakened by one single orgasm? It’s one thing for a 14 year old boy to feel that way, but these days so many men are simply not growing up!

Is there something in the water? What the hell is going on?

I’ll be 59 this month and I have so much love to give but I’m not holding out any hope that I’ll find someone who wants my love. In a way it’s a shame because I’d like to care for someone (it comes naturally to me) and to find that there are adult men out in the world doing the right thing and who have balanced their responsibilities and their pecker. I don’t want to believe good men are all gone.

Are we becoming a society where women don’t really need men except as sperm donors? Would this be upsetting or good news for men? Is this who we really were from the start?

Do men see what’s going on here? Does it frighten them or does it titillate them?

If men want to remain immature, without adult responsibilities why don’t they have vasectomies and live the bachelor life instead of ruining the lives of women and children they have been with for ten, twenty, thirty, or forty years?

I’ll admit I don’t understand men at all. I really do miss them in my life but the Mars/Venus thing is just so obvious to me now that I wonder how we ever coexisted. Perhaps when we are young we are so obsessed with breeding we just can’t see the bigger picture. I’m way beyond those years now and find it alarming and sad.

I miss you, men, but I don’t understand you at all.

 

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4 responses to “Modern Man — A Narcissistic, Porn-Addicted Misfit

  1. ML, so well said. At 49, I ponder the same stuff myself…
    I read the highlights of Sam’s thesis on modern man and saved it for later, if I ever get the time.
    It makes me think of my college years where I went to a feminist book store “Words of Wisdom” I wish I could find those books now so I could cite the references, but I think the following train of thought comes from Gloria Steinem or Susan Faludi circa late 80’s early 90’s.
    So basically where I am going is remembering reading about our hunter gatherer ancestors. It was quite common for women to live in groups where they raised children, farmed, and evolved what we currently know as a home, fabrics, pottery… From what I remember, men were the hunters who lived solo or in hunting groups and were only allowed into the women’s villages for pro creation and it was probably in exchange for meat. Just a transaction based on need to produce and a little variation from the farmer gatherer fare. Based on what I remember reading, women were support and family to each other. Somehow the evolution of modern life brought the sexes together for better or worse.
    This is still a concept that I ponder often to this day, given the fact that too many men these days are some kind of modern feral.
    A Laurie Cabot book also comes to mind where she wrote about modern life and how it was dis empowering to a witch/spiritual person. She mentioned that by not growing our own food or preparing it with love and intent that it drains the soul. Fast food was a prime example of total loss of control.
    I suppose we could reach and say that the trappings of modern life, pre made food, machines that do work for us, technology that includes laptops with the internet and cell phones with 4G allow us fast access to gratification without having to work or think about anything involved in the process except for what it is giving us at the very moment.
    Sadly, in my opinion, as a cohort, we are a morally and spiritually bankrupt civilization. There are some people who are truly connected to the earth and their fellow man as well as those who want a closer connection with Mother Earth, their fellow man and spirituality. It is really important that we lead by example and minister to our families and those in our neighborhoods first. Think globally act locally.
    Humans are in a sad state, but the first thing we can do is take care of ourselves first.
    Maybe things are going full circle here and we will live in small groups nurturing and caring for each other. Maybe the sexes will be segregated or maybe groups of like minded people with similar moral compasses will converge creating a new society of loving spiritually aware people.
    I could only hope.
    The aftermath of the nuclear wasteland of my marriage has given me much to ponder these past three years. Are there any good men? Do I really need a man? What is healthy love? Is it even possible? How do I be a good friend?
    The more I contemplate these things, the more I realize that I really have no clue. What I am certain of is if I were to be in a relationship, it would be so much more than a man expressing his desire to be in my company. The question now, is this man worthy of the things I have to offer and is he capable of nurturing me as a whole human being.
    Sorry this is stream of conscious, hopefully it makes sense and relates to your post.
    I am so grateful to have met you ML, you are a wonderful spiritual, thoughtful being and a work in process as we all are…
    Peace and Love

    • Fascinating, ENM. I never would have thought this way when I was younger (breeding age) but these days I simply can’t imagine relating to a man. I wish I could! I love your stream of consciousness any day of the week! xox, my friend.

  2. I don’t really buy the hunter gatherer thing as a reason so many are porn addled assholes now. I don’t think men lived seperately in that way. I think we were tribal, and maybe more communal so the idea of monogamy is probably not totally the same… But if that was the case men would be living in the woods incapable of many other types of modern behaviour. And they still manage to dress and eat like modern people, to work at jobs, etc. I think it’s the nation of I. It’s the overwhelming culture of selfishness. Men are still often raised with the feeling of superiority and ownership. They are given this free pass to want everything and do less. Women have had this community and home care responsibility bred into them so you see less selfishness overtly but the asshole gene is strong in us now. We just can’t wish for good of all, or work hard together without going totally “Marsha Marsha Marsha” on the sidelines. So men, taught that they should get the most, get a wifey, and want more. Expect the world at their fingertips. Take a girlfriend or a mistress. Because they can. Look at and lose themselves in porn, because they think they deserve everything and if these men who are gang banginng all these women can get this, don’t these men deserve that also? And then the real thing, it starts to lose its shine. It’s not as exciting as a scripted ass fucking with fake tits and tanning oil and too blonde hair. It’s just selfishness.

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