Tag Archives: affairs

Modern Man — A Narcissistic, Porn-Addicted Misfit

A friend of mine put this quote from self-described narcissist and narcissist expert Sam Vaknin on Facebook and it blew my mind:

Modern Man is a narcissistic, porn-addicted misfit. Women have banished men from their lives: they raise their children alone; they educate their offspring on their own (90% of teachers are female); they are way more accomplished academically and they are breaching all the remaining glass ceilings forcefully. Men are on the retreat, hiding in cyber caves, self-medicating perilously, assiduously avoiding the dual threats of intimacy and sex with women, their newfound nemesis. It is War and all sides are losing it.

My God, I know that not all men can be described that way, but many modern men (and more than a few women) can.

So it prompts me to ask, what the hell’s going on and how can we survive this?

Men (and some women) are throwing away years of marriage, fidelity, children, homes, other resources, sometimes including jobs, for what? A few orgasms and having their ego stroked. In order to behave as though they have no responsibilities again. And yes, I know this has been going on for a long time but it seems so much more prevalent now!

Yet, what responsibilities did they have? Did they do all the shopping? The cooking? The laundry? The cleaning? While couples are getting better at dividing housework, generally it’s still quite uneven. Did they read stories to the kids, bathe them, tuck them in, go to meetings with teachers?  Do they do these things day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year? Women do this AND hold down full time work.

Generally, they do not. In general they feel ENTITLED to a break from their job (which pays them more) and we think they deserve it. It may be that they really do deserve it. BUT we deserve it too, goddammit. Why is it so easy to put ourselves last?

I cannot fathom how they can be so short sighted. I can’t wrap my head around how a grown ass person can think this way and I fear that it is becoming more common.

Grown men who think they are babysitting and doing their wives a favor while looking after their own children. Grown men who act like children by feeling deserving of time off from family to socialize and drink with others, have solo vacations, play video games, or go to sporting events. And so much porn that an ordinary woman could never get him excited again.

Given their nature, how did men end up in charge of everything? How is it that they are responsible for business, government, law enforcement, when they can be weakened by one single orgasm? It’s one thing for a 14 year old boy to feel that way, but these days so many men are simply not growing up!

Is there something in the water? What the hell is going on?

I’ll be 59 this month and I have so much love to give but I’m not holding out any hope that I’ll find someone who wants my love. In a way it’s a shame because I’d like to care for someone (it comes naturally to me) and to find that there are adult men out in the world doing the right thing and who have balanced their responsibilities and their pecker. I don’t want to believe good men are all gone.

Are we becoming a society where women don’t really need men except as sperm donors? Would this be upsetting or good news for men? Is this who we really were from the start?

Do men see what’s going on here? Does it frighten them or does it titillate them?

If men want to remain immature, without adult responsibilities why don’t they have vasectomies and live the bachelor life instead of ruining the lives of women and children they have been with for ten, twenty, thirty, or forty years?

I’ll admit I don’t understand men at all. I really do miss them in my life but the Mars/Venus thing is just so obvious to me now that I wonder how we ever coexisted. Perhaps when we are young we are so obsessed with breeding we just can’t see the bigger picture. I’m way beyond those years now and find it alarming and sad.

I miss you, men, but I don’t understand you at all.

 

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Going With the Flow

Yesterday’s workout provided a learning opportunity. I had an 12:30 appointment with an attorney to talk about my dire finances and he called to move it to 11:30. This meant I only had time for about a 45 minute swim.

I had to tell myself that was ok. That is how real life is. You need to go with the flow. I know that my days of 1.5 hour workouts are numbered and I’m grateful for them for now. I also knew that a 45 minute workout was better than no workout. I don’t need to fear that a disruption of my schedule will mean I throw it all away.

Because I’m now organizing a ton of paperwork in an attempt to get my life on track and I’m making appointments and phone calls, my life will not be as simple as it has been. That’s ok. Outside of my workouts I’ve been quite bored.

I spent an hour and fifteen minutes in the lap pool today doing lengths and then I showered and left. A perfectly adequate workout, just a different one. I think mixing up workouts is good for your body. I gather our bodies kind of get used to our routines and they appreciate having things mixed up a bit. I hear that it can help when you’re experiencing a plateau.

My swim suit from Swim Outlet finally came yesterday and I’m embarrassed to say it’s too small. I think I keep forgetting that I am still as big as I am since I feel so good. I’m bummed because I’m back at square one with my suit hunt and because Swim Outlet charges you to return items, which I feel is an outdated policy. Dad and I will go to Costco later today to see if they still have some of their $20 Speedos in stock.

I haven’t been able to really talk with my husband much since he announced he wants us to be together. I asked him yesterday if he was still with this other woman. He said he’ll “take care of it.” I was so appalled I could hardly speak. He asked if I could give him a week. I told him he needed to stop hurting me and that he should have ended it with her before he announced to me he wanted to be with me. I am repulsed and so confused. This is truly inconceivable! I told him that for the time being, unless he has news regarding his lawsuit, not to call me. I’m degraded and humiliated and I need time to think.

I don’t know how things will end up with my husband but I know I should not return to him. Intelligence and reason are not always linked. He’s brilliant. I’ve never known such a thinker, part philosopher and part Peter Pan. There was always another opportunity around the corner that was going to make us rich.

He came into the relationship with nothing. I gave him everything I had, literally. We went through the house I owned (outright), my savings, my 401k, and all my very good credit. I have nothing left except extreme debt.

I never thought I’d be “that” woman. The one who can’t figure out that it’s just not going to work with this guy when the writing is clearly on the wall. I wanted to leave plenty of times, but I kept thinking, if I just believe in him one more time our ship will come in and everyone will see what a genius he is. And the next time and the next time until I was empty.

And now he wants to carry on with another woman and string me along? If you look up “Insult to Injury” on Google you’ll see this exact situation. Please God. Let me know that this is my limit. This is wrong on every level. I deserve better.

Almost every night I have to fight the urge to go spy on him and find out who he is sleeping with. In the end, so far, I just remind myself that it simply does not matter who she is. This is about what he is doing to me.

My blog isn’t read by too many people and that’s ok. I write it for my own sanity, really. I did receive a comment today on my “About” page that was incredibly moving and it really touched me. I knew I was not alone in this battle for mental and physical health! Sisters and brothers, let’s unite and support one another!

We can do this. We must do this because this life is short and we deserve better. We may have made mistakes, we may be dealing with abuse and financial ruin. We may feel we are too old. We may be struggling to keep our mental health issues in check and repair years of abuse to our poor bodies. In spite of all that we have experienced and all that we are going through we are good people, with love to give, and we can make our own lives better.

Have any comments about learning to be flexible in our exercise routine or anything else? Please comment below. And please follow me on Twitter @movingliquid1